The moon was only half full, but the sky above was clear of clouds and the soft silvery light was more then enough to illuminate the grounds, although a dark bank of clouds could be seen on the horizon glowing dully in the moonlight. The snow had mostly melted away, leaving the ground covered in dead grass and frozen mud ruts, with the odd clump of dirty snow or ice rimmed puddle, that reflected the moonlight brightly.

The forecast was calling for the mild spell to end, and another foot or two of snow  to get dumped on them in the next couple days, and there were things that needed to be take care of before then.

Matt walked slowly along the stone pathway across the backyard to the black iron gate that lead into the cemetery, an old tough canvas backpack carried an assortment of supplies and tools that he’d need, as well as a battery powered work light. He didn’t really need it; between the moonlight and his own superior night vision he could see perfectly fine, but if anyone saw him out working, it was better to avoid any more crap then necessary.

Not that the fact he was out in the cemetery in the middle of the night doing repairs wouldn’t raise enough eyebrows and questions as it was, but between the weather and his work schedule, he just hadn’t had any other time to do it. And with another storm on the way in, he had to get it done now before the damage worsened even more. He doubted anyone would be out driving down this road this late at night anyhow, and his neighbors were far enough away that they probably wouldn’t even see the light through the trees.

He went to the shed first, and after retrieving the electric work light and the ladder from inside, he peeled off his gloves and got to work repairing the roof where a tree branch had broken through during the last bad storm. He lost himself in his thoughts as he worked, the night sounds around him rather soothing. He thought he heard the west gate creaking at one point, but since that was on his repair list, he didn’t pay it much attention.

Once he was finished with the roof, he put the ladder and light away then pulled his gloves back on to warm up his hands during the walk to the next job. The air was crisp enough to show his breath in little silver puffs of fog, but not unpleasant; he found it rather nice out, despite the chilled fingers. He stopped to clear away some fallen branches from the little single track road then pulled a few more off of some graves, before continuing on. He had to stop a few times as he thought he heard footsteps, and once a woman’s voice whispering, but the sounds never repeated themselves, and the spirits that remained here didn’t raise any alarms.

The west gate was the large double, black iron gate, that was never locked, but only left open on weekends; if someone wanted to drive through any other time, they had to get out and push it open themselves. The right half was pushed halfway open, showing the ‘no visitors after dark without permission’ sign hanging by one link. The left hand gate hung at an odd angle, the remains of the tree that had landed on it, laying to the side, already cut into rounds. That was as far as he got before he’d had to leave on a job three days ago. He cursed softly as he realized he’d forgotten to bring the wheel barrow to load up some of the wood then decided it would be easier and quicker to use the car anyhow.

Matt quickly set up the light and got the gate secured and jacked up so he could cut off the broken hinge and replace it with a new one. It was a job that he should’ve had help to do, and as long as no one saw him fixing it, he’d have to claim he had or else he’d be subjected to lectures on safety and how dangerous and foolish it had been to do himself. It was nice finally having neighbors around that tried to be friendly rather then just irritate the shit out of him all the time, but still… they could really irritate the shit out of him. He snorted softly at that thought, thinking maybe Marilee was right... he was too hard to please.

Damned if you do; damned if you don’t.

Maybe he’d just been on his own against the world for too long. Marilee’s nagging about him needing to have people in his life, or at least ‘someone’, had never sat well with him, and since her death his neighbors and ‘friends’ in town had taken up the cause. He’d heard everything from suggestions for ‘meeting people’, to offers to be set up on blind dates… to suggestions that he get a dog for companionship. He was always left with the feeling that he didn’t know whether to be insulted… or crack up laughing. He usually just glared at them until they backed off then laughed in private, but lately their words had seemed to stay with him, weighing rather heavily. It had been a while since he’d been in any sort of ‘lasting’ relationship and he wondered if maybe he was actually feeling lonely. It wasn’t something he ever really thought of since he preferred being alone, but more and more often when he was home he found himself thinking about Saffron; the only person he could honestly say he enjoyed being around and trusted. If Saffron had been a woman, he could even imagine being able to picture a life together, but since that wasn’t the case… the thoughts, and eventually the dreams, had begun bothering him more and more…

Matt growled softly as he finished the repairs and packed the canvas bag back up, slinging it over his shoulder. He pushed the gates closed, shoving aside all thoughts of Saffron that went outside of the ‘best friend’ category, then decided he’d open the bottle of whiskey Frog had sent him for Christmas. He rarely drank, and only then on nights when his thoughts refused to give him any peace… like tonight.

He glanced up at the sky through the trees and sighed, deciding it was still a couple hours until dawn. He needed to be in Pittsfield at one to meet with a client, and if he was planning on enjoying a couple drinks tonight, he should call it a night. Clouds had crept in while he worked, letting him know the forecasted snow wasn’t that far off, but since he’d got the two most important jobs done, he figured he’d be alright for the rest.

He pulled his gloves back on and headed back along the road to where it teed, running around the cemetery. The first flakes of snow were starting to drift down as he slipped through the gate to the back yard and he cursed softly, then froze as he heard a plaintive wailing. He carefully shut the gate the rest of the way, listening before drawing the knife from his boot as he approached the old church, the wail growing louder.

He dropped the canvas pack in the garden shed then slipped quietly around the side of the small shed until he could see the patio doors. A blanket covered lump lay on the stones outside the door, and seemed to be the source of the soul wrenching noise. Matt stood for a moment, looking down at the soft light colored blanket, his chest on fire at the thought of what was beneath it. Swallowing hard, he put the knife away and knelt, lifting the blanket and peered beneath.

“Fuck.” He said softly, letting the blanket fall. “Oh fuck… what the hell…” he muttered softly then stood and looked around the empty yard. “WHAT THE HELL?!” he yelled, but received no answer aside from the crying baby at his feet.

“Shit…” he said then spun and opened the doors, moving the bundle inside and setting it on the kitchen table. He snapped on the light then stood looking down at it a moment longer before peeling off his coat and gloves, tossing them on a chair. In the warm light, the blanket was a pale lavender with white bunnies scattered over it. He hesitated as he reached out and lifted the blanket away, letting it fall to the table. A rather worn looking white and pink basinet sat on his table, a baby bundled in a pink and purple blanket wearing a purple hat lay in the middle of it, screaming her little head off. A white bunny with a purple bow was tucked above the babies head, and a worn looking blue bag was tucked at her feet.

“Fuck.” Matt said softly, one hand covering his mouth as he looked down. “Fuck fuck fuck… I gotta call Ben…” he muttered softly, his eyes shifting to the phone lying on the counter behind him. He snatched it up, dialing the number for the police station as he turned back to look at the baby again. “Fuck…” he whispered again as the infant managed to free one hand from the blanket and rub at her eyes still crying piteously. He reached down to stroke the backs of his fingers over her cheek in an attempt to calm her down, and spotted an envelope tucked beside her.

Scowling softly as he listened to the ringing on the other end of the phone, he snatched up the envelope to see his name written on it. “Oh fuck… bad feeling… really, really bad feeling…” he muttered softly, staring at his name written in the flowery script. He slipped the single sheet of paper free of the envelope as a voice answered the phone, asking what the problem was. “Yeah... just a second…” he said softly over the crying of the baby, his eyes tracking over the letter. “Fuck…” he said softly. “Never mind… sorry…” he added, ignoring the questions being asked him, and hung up the phone.

He slumped into the chair in front of the basinet and read the letter again. “Fuck.” He repeated, his voice soft in shock, then jumped as the phone rang. He snapped it up. “Yeah?” he asked then closed his eyes as the voice of the police chief sounded in his ear.

“Mr. Hogan… I was told we just received a call from you… is everything alright?”

“Yeah... no…” Matt sighed, his gaze going to the baby. “I was calling to report an abandoned baby on my doorstep… but… turns out… it’s not abandoned after all.” he said softly.

Ben was quiet for a minute before speaking. “Matt… child abandonment is a serious issue. Did someone leave a child there? It’s cold out there tonight, Matt… a baby left outside… Shall I call child services and have an ambulance sent out?”

Matt sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah... no... I mean… It’s alright. She’s fine… Pissed off, but fine. She’s warm and was covered up and I …” he sighed again, reaching out to brush a finger over the babies cheek again. One tiny hand clamped down on his finger and two bluish purple eyes opened to look at him, although the crying didn’t subside much. “She’s my kid, Ben… she’s not abandoned. I was outside and… Her mother just… couldn’t wait. It’s fine…”

Ben was quiet for a while and Matt wondered if he’d hung up and was already on his way with child services. “You know anything about babies, Matt?”

Matt laughed a short choked off laugh. “Fuck no… but I guess that doesn’t matter. I gotta go, Ben… I gotta figure out how to get her to stop crying…”

Ben snorted softly. “You sure you don’t want me to send someone out there? It doesn’t sound right to me.”

“Yeah I know how it sounds… but no, I don’t want you to send anyone. I’ll… we’ll be fine.” Matt said softly then ran a hand back over his head, feeling it wet from melted snowflakes. “Hey Ben? What the fuck are you doing at work this late?” he asked.

There was a snort from the other end followed by a heavy sigh. “I’m not at work… I’m at home in bed. When Dorry saw it was your number, she got worried and called me. Considering the shit that went down the last time she got an aborted call from you, she figured it was the right thing to do…”

“Oh… fuck... I’m sorry…”

“No... don’t be. It was the right thing to do. Are you sure about this, Matt?” Ben asked again.

“No but… I’ll be fine I guess. Go back to sleep Ben.” He said then hung the phone without waiting for a reply. He set the phone on the table and stood, looking at the baby. “Damn…” he said softly then pulled his finger free of the babies grip than carefully and awkwardly picked her up. “Hey… Violet, huh?” he said, hoping his hands would stop shaking. The baby in his arms looked up at him, her cries subsiding. “Damn…” he repeated softly. “What the fuck am I going to do with you?” he asked. The baby rubbed one tiny fist over her eyes, gave another soft whimper and let her eyes drift closed, content with being held. “Aww fuck…” Matt whispered softly. “Shit…”


~ ~ ~

By the end of the first day, Matt was feeling rather comfortable with his daughter. He’d managed to nab a couple ghosts to give him a crash course in basic baby care, then Marilee had gotten wind of his predicament and showed up to lend her advice. It was one of the times that Matt really truly missed her living presence, but was thankful for her spirit hanging around.

Once he’d learned how to mix the formula and feed her, as well as change her diaper… which had completely ruined his desire for breakfast… Matt had phoned his closest neighbor to borrow a car seat. Helen had four children between the ages of two and eight, and had jumped at the chance to help. She’d left the kids with her husband, and rushed over with her old infant car seat, as well as a bag of baby clothes, diapers, bottles and other assorted items that her youngest had outgrown. She fussed and cooed over the baby, then fussed over Matt, making sure he knew what he was doing, then demanded to be called should he need anything, then went back to fussing over the baby again.

Matt took advantage of her being there with Violet to slip into the office and call his lawyer. He left a note with the secretary about what was going on and asked for him to call his cell phone when he could get back to him, then called work and told them he was taking a leave of absence.

Ben had stopped in on his way to work to check on him, and had left with a rather amused look on his face, giving Matt his home number to talk to his wife should he need any advice or help.

He’d made it to his appointment on time, rather tickled at the coincidence of his client being a pediatrician. The doctor had merely wanted to hire him for a simple ‘reading’. Thanks to Marilee, he had a bit of a local reputation as a psychic, and was occasionally hired for a séance or reading or so on. Usually he’d turn them down, but he did the odd one; usually because Marilee bugged him to accept it.

He had no trouble contacting the spirit in question, and with a bit of  ‘staging’; lighting a candle as a ‘focus’ and making a point of holding his amulet, which Marilee had insisted he should do because it just looked good, Matt had told the doctor what he needed to hear. In return, the doctor had handed him a check and had given Violet a check up, and suggested a doctor closer to home. Matt had decided he rather liked the man and didn’t mind traveling the extra half hour, and had signed Violet on as a patient.

They even managed to stop off at Walmart and do some shopping, including a new diaper bag; a simple black, grey and purple, that’s only drawback was the cartoon emblem of Eeyore the donkey on the front, but since the picture wasn’t that big, he was willing to overlook it. He considered a new basinet, but figured he’d just haul out the old crib and what not from the basement and clean them up instead.

When his lawyer had called him back, he explained about Violet being left and told him what the letter had said. He was told that since the mother claimed to have had his name on the birth certificate and had told him the name of the hospital and doctor, that he should have no trouble getting the paperwork taken care of and would get back to him as quick as he could.

He returned home to find a gift basket filled with baby stuff waiting for him on his front porch. The card had it being from the welcome wagon, and Matt shook his head, wondering who had called them. He was willing to bet it had been Ben, or Ben’s wife… The police chief wasn’t overly fond of him and they’d never be friends, but they’d  formed a sort of ‘alliance’ over the years. Matt knew if he had trouble he could call Ben, and Ben knew if anything weird came up, he could call Matt.

The message light on his phone was blinking, but he ignored it for the time being, choosing to get Violet settled in first. It was evening by the time he had all the baby clothes and blankets washed and dried, the bottles and toys washed or disinfected, and everything put away.

He fed Violet while he cooked his own supper, feeling oddly content with the strange twist his life had suddenly taken. At the same time though, he could feel that edge growing closer and he wondered if he was still just in shock over it all. He’d been so busy he really hadn’t had much time to stop and think about all of it, aside from immediate needs. Maybe once he put Violet to bed, that edge would catch up and he’d have a full blown panic attack.

When he finally played back his messages, it was to find the office demanding a reason for his sudden need for time off. Thanks to speaking with his lawyer, he knew what to say now, and called them back, stating that he was exercising his right for parental leave, effective immediately.

He added if that was a problem he could always just quit.

There had been a rather long shocked silence, followed by a request for proof, and Matt said he’d have his lawyer forward all the information when he could.

He hung up the phone with a weary smirk and yawned. Since he hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before, he decided he’d call it a night and headed up to bed. He returned to the phone to turn the volume off, suddenly realizing that when news spread about his new parental status, people would be calling, unlisted number or not.

~ ~

The next few days passed quickly, and Matt found himself, while being a bit over whelmed at times and a bit panicky at others, really enjoying being a dad.

A few more cards and gifts had arrived, congratulating him on being a dad and welcoming the baby, and he’d been more and more tickled over all of it. He just wished people wouldn’t go for pink shit as soon as they heard it was a girl. The purple he could live with… but pink…

The newest basket to arrive had been from Chaos Incorporated and had made him laugh out loud, waking Violet. The basket had been put together with him in mind, and contained a blood red fuzzy blanket with black bow-bedecked skulls with hearts for eyes,  a black and red jumper with the words ‘demon child’ written over the front, and a bib with the word ‘brains’ scrawled over it. There was also a gift certificate for Walmart for diapers and other baby supplies, and it was the only thing that made him think they actually believed him. Up until that point, he was thinking they’d put it together as a joke.

Violet was wrapped in the new blanket as he paced the living room, rubbing her back as he tried to settle her to sleep. The phone had been ringing so much that he’d finally turned the ringer off, letting the machine gather messages until it was full. Most of them were hang ups and vaguely harassing calls from people who thought he should give the baby up, that he wasn’t a suitable father, and these he saved for Ben… just in case. But he’d discovered two calls from Saffron, and one short message asking him to pick up. When Matt had tried to call him back there’d been no answer, and he was trying not to let that worry him. When he’d called the office asking for him, he’d been told that Saffron was unavailable and basically hung up on after a hurried assurance that he’d get back to him as soon as he could.

That had decided him. He’d try to call him one more time, then pack up the car and head to Boston to find him. Saffron wasn’t one to pull a disappearing act on him; On everyone else, yeah… but not on him.

Violet’s fingers brushed over his ear and he tilted his head away automatically. He’d had to remove all his hoop earrings and replace them with studs or leave them empty; she’d shown an amazing ability to hook her fingers through the hoops no matter how hard he tried to keep her hands away from them. This meant he was back to being a brunette, since the earring he’d had enchanted a couple years ago was one of his hoops. The idea of using the spell to turn his hair blue, rather then dealing with dyes and bleaching, had seemed great at the time, and indeed it had been more then worth the money. At least once he’d had the spell fixed so it only turned the hair on his head blue, along with his eyebrows, rather then ALL his hair… having blue pubes had been rather disturbing. But now that he had to do without the spell, he missed the blue hair… and didn’t want to go through the hassle of getting it bleached out and dyed again. Marilee had laughed and called him spoiled… then pointed out he wouldn’t have time to get his hair done with a baby to look after anyhow. He’d just have to be a brunette until she outgrew the hoop-grabbing thing.

Matt glanced at her to see her eyes wide open and watching him, the soother in her mouth bobbing slightly as she sucked on it. The doctor had told him he thought her eyes would shift away from the blue and more into the purple as she got older, and within a couple months they’d probably be close to his own color. Matt rather liked them the way they were. He reached up to brush his hand over her head softly, smoothing down the bit of pale blonde hair, and she smiled around the soother, making his heart feel incredible.
He had no idea how her mother could have given her up… he’d never wanted to be a father but now that he was, he couldn’t imagine letting her go.

The soft knock on the door repeated twice before he snapped out of his thoughts and heard it for what it was, and he was half way there before he noticed the familiar feeling of presence and knew who was on the other side. He was smiling as he opened the door, not bothering to check. “Hey kid, been trying to reach you…” he said then let his voice trail off. Saffron stood huddled in the long black coat, the hood up and his hands jammed in his pockets. Snow was still falling and his head and shoulders were dusted white, as was the duffel bag at his feet.

Saffron turned his head up enough to look up at Matt without loosing his hood. "Yeah... really..." He replied slightly sarcastic. "I've been trying to get a hold of you." He replied. "And I just walked from town... thanks to that piece of shit I drive..." He added. "You going to invite me in, or do I become a lawn ornament, Matt?" He added, with a faint smirk.

Matt snorted softly and moved aside, keeping Violet away from the draft as he moved. "Sure... get your ass in here..." he said softly. "Sorry... turned my cell off, and the ringer off on the land line... They're driving me fucking insane. You could've called a cab... I'd have paid your fare. It's not THAT small a town... we do have a couple cab companies... have a bus route too... during week days..." he added with a smirk as he shut the door behind him. "Had to see for yourself, huh?" he asked lightly. "You know... the basket got here yesterday afternoon... you could've hitched a ride."

"Didn't know I was going to need a ride yesterday." Saffron replied, stepping inside and sitting his duffle bag out of the way for a moment as he dusted off the hood of the coat, before dropping it and eyeing Matt a moment, before shaking his head with the faintest smirk. "You know, I couldn't believe it when I called the office last night... leaving Boston, and got told you suddenly got a kid..." Saffron added, slipping off the coat.

Matt raised an eyebrow and moved his head aside again as Violet made another grab for his ear. "What... you mean you didn't know? Weren't you involved in the basket?" he asked, his eyes sparkling as he reached out with a hand to take Saffron's coat and hang it on a hook inside the entrance way. "So... if you didn't come here to check up on me... why are you here?"

"To get away from Boston." Saffron replied, turning his gaze away. "And I never said I wasn't involved in the basket..." He added with a bit more of a smirk, glancing back at him.

Matt snorted softly. "Well... I don’t see how you could've if you didn’t know until last night.. and the basket arrived yesterday afternoon... Unless you helped put it together but didn't believe it was for real..." he said. "Leave your boots and bag there kid, go park your ass by the fire and thaw out. I'll get you a coffee."

"We all thought it was a joke." Saffron replied, leaning back against the wall long enough to untie his boots and pull out of them. "Most of them were too busy laughing to come up with anything reasonable." He added, dropping his boots next to his bag and wiggling his toes a moment, which were feeling frozen. With another glance at Matt, he headed over to the couch by the fire. He really hoped he wasn't going to regret the quick idea of coming here.

Matt laughed softly as he headed for the kitchen. "Yeah I cracked up when I saw some of the stuff. Figured it was a joke until I hit the card with the gift certificate. Love the bib, by the way…" he called over his shoulder before entering the kitchen and grabbing a mug for Saffron. Violet was content to lay against his shoulder, her fingers of one hand twisting in his hair. She'd actually cried the first time he took the earring out and the blue hair vanished. He was just glad she was easily amused. He poured the coffee then headed back out to the living room. "Here kid... black and strong. Columbian... you're fave."

"Mmm, Columbian, you must have been thinking about me..." Saffron replied, with a weary smile, taking the mug. "Never thought you liked Columbian..." He added, a light teasing tone. He took a sip, "Thanks." He said sincerely.

Matt snorted, smirking softly. "Ben and his guys at the station brought by a little basket...  baby wipes, a soother, a rattle with miniature handcuffs because... she is my daughter and she might as well get used to seeing them..." he said with a smirk, shaking his head slightly as he sat down. "And... lets see... earplugs, and a bag of Columbian coffee... since I'm not going to be getting enough sleep anyway, at least I'll be wide awake.."

Saffron snorted as he leaned back against the couch, holding the cup between his hands. He eyed Matt again with a smirk, shaking his head slightly. "I told them they were wrong you know." He said softly, turning his eyes back to the mug of coffee, smirking faintly. "They all said you were the worst choice for a father... I think you'll be just fine..." He said softly.

Matt smiled softly at that. "Thanks kid." he said simply. "That means a lot." he added then shifted Violet to cradle her in the crook of his arm and pull the blanket down enough for Saffron to see her... and for her to see him. "Saff... meet my daughter, Violet. She's just over three and a half months old... umm... fifteen weeks....? Yeah... She's got her mother's hair, but... my eyes... kinda sorta... I think they're way nicer then mine..." he said softly, stroking a finger over Violet’s cheek making her smile around the soother again before he gaze dropped to Saffron.

Saffron smiled softly, hoping the slight sadness he felt wasn't showing in the smile, leaning forward to set his cup on the coffee table and touch Violets back. "She's beautiful, Matt." He said softly, but sincerely. "You're very lucky."

"Yeah... I am." Matt said softly. "I'm crazy about her, Saff. I was scared shitless to start with but... Never even considered giving her up once I knew she was mine... and... damn.. I just... I love being a dad... it's fucking great. Tiring, nerve wracking and scary as hell at times… but I fucking love it..."

"Oh right, who are you and what did you do with my best friend?" Saffron asked, standing and stretching, his shirt riding up enough to show the belly button charm. "You're still supposed to be scared shitless..."

Matt smirked softly, lowering his gaze back to the baby to avoid the sight of Saffron looking so good. "I am... it's just... she's worth it." he said softly. "You want to hold her?" he asked.

Saffron snorted softly with a slight smirk, as he turned enough to look at Matt. "Yeah, sure. I like kids." He replied, still smirking.

Matt looked up then stood, and handed her over to him. "Good... I need to use the bathroom... you can baby sit." he said simply. "I've got a couple bottles made up in the fridge if she gives you a hard time... She just had one not that long ago though... she should be fine. She has a bunny here somewhere..." he said, looking over the couch to where the rabbit from her basinet sat. "I'll ... leave you two to get acquainted." he said with a smirk, then leaned down to kiss Violet's head tenderly, his hair brushing over Saffron as he did.

Saffron closed his eyes a moment at Matt being so closed, but smirked, before giving him a look. "Go. I'm not like the rest of the idiots at C.I, I don't need instructions on a baby." He said, having no problem holding Violet and managing to give Matt a weak playful kick at the legs. "You start becoming an OCD parent and I'll swear I never knew you, Matt." He added, smirking.

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Hey... until she appeared on my doorstep... I never imagined kids in my life. Now I've got  a daughter. I'm on a major fucking high here... could also be sleep deprivation..." he added with a weak smirk. "Make your self at home kid." he added before leaving the room, pausing in the hall for a last glance back at Saffron and Violet.

Saffron sat back down, adjusting Violet in his arms so they were both comfortable and just enjoyed his time with her, not having any problem. She seemed to be amused by Saffron holding her.

~~

Matt popped out to check on them a bit later, then seeing everything was good and Saffron seemed perfectly comfortable, decided to take the opportunity for a shower. Clean, damp and dressed in nothing but a pair of black lounge pants decorated with faint grey skulls amid a barbed wire design. "You manage to get her asleep yet?" he asked softly as he headed towards the couch and the welcoming glow of the fire. "She's a night owl... fights sleep as long as she can once it gets dark out..."

Saffron glanced up at Matt, with a smirk. "Really?" He replied, moving the blankets enough to let Matt see Violet was asleep. "Maybe daddy is just a sucker for a cute face, and doesn't want to admit it..." Saffron added softly, smirking wickedly.

Matt blushed slightly. "Fuck man... she's got me wrapped around her finger already. No doubt about it." he admitted softly. "Basinet's upstairs if you want to take her up. I'm still working on the crib... just waiting for it to finish drying... than I gotta measure it and go find a new mattress and the bedding and shit... You stick around long enough, I'll put you to work helping."

Saffron eyed him a moment, noticing a vast change in Matt. He wasn't sure if he was greatly amused by it, or very worried. He managed to get up from the couch with little difficulty with Violet. "Well I am here to help." He said simply, starting for the stairs.

"No you're not." Matt said softly as he moved to sit down. "And you can tell me the real reason you're here when you come back down." he said simply then got back up again to tend to the fire and add another piece of wood.

Saffron snorted softly with a slight smirk as he took Violet up to the loft and tucked her into the basinet. He watched her sleeping a moment and smiled softly, before heading back down stairs, though he took his time. He went back over to the couch and flopped down with out saying anything.

Matt stayed where he was, watching the flames, just enjoying the familiar feel of Saffron nearby. Finally he sighed softly. "So what's in Boston that you had to get away so bad?" he asked softly. "I mean... I know you have other hideaways you could've gone to if you had just needed a break, so don’t bother. It had to be something big to get you all the way across the State when you couldn’t even get a hold of me... "

Saffron crossed his arms over his chest and slouched back against the couch, looking at him a moment. "You sure you really want to know?" He asked softly, sounding weary. "We can keep pretending it’s a social visit, if you prefer..."

Matt shifted, turning to sit sideways facing him. "This is me, Saff. You know you can trust me. You wouldn't be here other wise.... so why the coy act?" he asked softly. "Just tell me what's going on. It has to be pretty bad for you to venture out into the snow and cold..."

Saffron stayed the way he was for a moment, watching Matt before snorting softly. "It’s two days to Valentine's Day... I hate hanging around C.I on v-day, it's absolutely dreadful." He replied.

Matt watched him a moment then snorted softly. He knew Saffron was holding back, but if he was in the mood to keep secrets, he'd let him... for now. "Yeah... made the mistake of dropping in once.... fucking scary..." he said lightly. "Not that this place is much better. Well... MY place is fine.. but the town, you know..?" he said then snorted softly and turned back to watch the fire. "You know.... don’t think I've ever had a 'valentine'..." he said with a smirk, shaking his head. "Pretty good at being single when this time of year comes around..."

"Not everyone wants a fucking valentine...not like that anyway..." Saffron muttered darkly, forgetting himself for a moment. "So get your daughter one of those valentine bears. Its perfectly acceptable at her age." He added a little louder.

Matt snorted softly. "Not what I meant... never mind." he said softly. "I'm gonna go see what I've got to eat. You hungry?" he asked as he stood up. "And Saff... when you decide you want to tell me... I'm here." he added softly.

"No, I'm fine. I'm gonna stay here..." Saffron replied watching the fire, not sure if he could take Matt all this open. He watched Matt shrug and head for the kitchen out of the corner of his eye and sighed. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell him... he figured Landan would never think of looking here for him.

~~


Matt heated up some leftovers and ate as he looked out into the living room towards where Saffron sat. He could only see a bit of him from where he was and the firelight made it hard to discern his expression, but he couldn’t help the uneasy feeling he was getting about whatever it as Saffron was hiding. He sighed softly and went back inside to wash up his dish, then poured the rest of the coffee into the carafe to keep and shut the pot off, then headed back out to the couch. He slapped Saffron's feet aside and sat down. "So... you picked out the bib, didn’t you?"

"Mm, and the blanket." Saffron replied, moving his feet enough to let Matt sit down, as he shifted through the texts and message alerts on his phone, before looking at him. He tipped his head to the side, eyeing him. "Hmph, I miss the blue." He said seriously.

Matt smirked softly. "Yeah me too. It's going back as soon as she stops grabbing the ring. Unless you want to help me bleach and dye it the old fashioned way?" he asked softly.

Saffron smirked faintly as he lay his cell phone on the coffee table. "Yeah, you may be able to talk me into it." He replied, glancing at Matt. He stared at him a long moment, before sighing, shaking his head, and sitting up a little more. "I really shouldn't have showed up out of nowhere like this..." He said softly.

"No... I'm glad you're here, kid." Matt said softly. "You can keep me grounded." he said simply. "Although… if you'd left a message letting me know you were coming... I could've tackled the spare room downstairs and maybe managed to get it... sort of usable..." he said with a wry smirk. "All I have to offer is the couch. But on the upside... it's a really comfy couch."

"Couch is fine, really." Saffron replied softly, not looking at Matt. "And I told you, I didn't know I was coming last night... sorta had to leave early this morning..." He replied softly, watching the fire. He was quiet for a long moment. "Look, I just need to hide out for the weekend... I don't really wanna be in Boston for Valentine's Day... or weekend." He added.

"Hey... no problem, kid." Matt said softly. "You're welcome for as long as you need to stay." he added sincerely. "Just keep in mind there are no walls between you and a baby..." he said with a smirk.

Saffron snorted softly. "Which may be why I'm just... slightly worried. I really don't think he'll even know where to find me, so there's no chance of him showing up at the door, but I'm kinda hiding from some one..."

Matt looked at him at that. "First instinct makes me want to say your dad... but... that doesn't tie in with the whole Valentine's day thing..." he said softly. "What's going on, kid?"

Saffron glanced at him before looking back at the fire, quiet a moment before sighing softly. "I was... seeing a guy back in Boston. Was for the last... ten or eleven months. ‘Was’ is kinda the key word though... not that he's listened..." Saffron replied.

Matt was quiet for a moment, letting that sink in as he watched the play of firelight over Saffron’s face. "So... you're here hiding out from a secret boyfriend? Sorry... ex boyfriend...?" he asked softly. "This guy must be a real winner if you can't handle him. He does show up, want me to kick his ass for you?" he asked, trying to lighten Saffron’s mood a bit.

"Well that was the general idea..." Saffron replied with a slight smirk. "You beating him up if he shows up… yeah. And yus, ex boyfriend." Saffron added, before flopping back next to Matt.

Matt smirked softly. "So... who will you tell him I am? Over protective best friend? The honorary big brother... or the new boyfriend?" he asked with a soft laugh. "That might give him a better idea that you meant it when you broke up with him..."

Saffron smirked faintly. "I'm sure he'd be absolutely pissed if I tell him we're dating... Might be more trouble for you, though..." Saffron replied. "So anyway, like I said, I doubt he'll show up here...I just need a place to hide."

"You've got one." Matt said simply. "You know I'm always here when you need me, Saff. For whatever reason." he said then sighed. "I should see about getting some sleep while she's down... I'll bring you some bedding... Make yourself at home, alright?"

"Hmm, yeah, think I'll change for sleep too." Saffron replied softly, before getting up, going and retrieving his bag and heading for the bathroom to change. He was very tempted to take Matt's suggestion and tell Landan he was seeing some one else... namely Matt...

Matt watched him go then called out softly. "Hey kid. Towels are in the cupboard just inside the door there if you want a shower or bath. Might be some fancy bath shit in one of the smaller cupboards too. Mare used bubbles and salts and oils and all that crap... don’t remember tossing them so..." he snorted softly with a shrug. "I shut the coffee off, but the carafe is about half full if you want some." he added, then headed for the laundry room and the extra bedding.

Saffron snorted softly with a faint smirk as he closed the bathroom door, before looking around a moment. A shower sounded really good. He decided not to pass it up and took a pair of knickers and a night shirt out of his bag, then stripped down and got into the shower.

Matt listened to the sound of the water splashing from the bathroom as he returned to the living room and quickly made up the couch and banked the fire, leaving it just the warm glow of coals. The old church was well insulated and had a furnace that was more then good enough, but he'd grown to love the fire place. He stretched as he finished then headed over to the bathroom door as he heard the water shut off. He knocked softly before calling out. "Night, Saff."

Saffron glanced toward the door as he stepped out of the shower. "Night, Matt..." He replied, as he wrapped the towel around him, grabbing the second for his hair. Then realized he should thank Matt and went to the door, making sure the towel was secure before opening the door. "Matt...? Thanks for letting me stay..."

Matt looked back and hoped he wasn't blushing at the sight of him. "You don’t have to thank me kid... you're practically family. Fuck... you're closer then any family I've ever had..." he added then had to turn away before he blushed even more. "See you in the morning... we can make a supply run in town and see if we can't track down some shit for my hair..."

"Right... sounds good to me..." Saffron replied toweling off the water on his hair, leaving the door half open since Matt was headed up stairs. He went back to his bag, finally taking off the towel to get dressed.

Matt made the mistake of glancing back and found his gaze slipping over bare skin. He turned quickly, stumbling in his haste before heading for the stairs. All those thoughts about Saffron as more than a friend came back with a vengeance, incredibly hard to ignore now especially knowing he'd been dating another guy. He closed his eyes as he headed up the stairs, trying to banish the sight of Saffron from his mind.

Saffron got dressed, decidedly at his own pace before zipping up his bag and putting the towels in the hamper before leaving the bathroom, turning off the light and heading for the couch. He turned his head up to look at the loft as he reached the couch and sighed, before making himself comfortable.

~~

Morning found Matt better rested then he had been, but more confused then ever about Saffron. Or maybe it was himself he was confused about. Saffron had still been asleep when he'd brought Violet down stairs, and he'd tried to be quiet as he took her into the kitchen for a bottle.

Saffron stretched, waking up slowly; remembering where he was and why he was here. He sighed softly forcing his eyes to open, and lay for a few moments staring toward the kitchen before getting off the couch and making his way to the other room, forgetting to tug the sleep shirt down.

Matt had the formula warmed up and was feeding Violet as he looked out over the back yard. The ground was completely buried under a sheet of white and the cemetery was nothing more then a lumpy white field spotted with trees. He wasn't really seeing anything though... his mind was trying to sort out what he was feeling and thinking... and not having much luck.

Saffron hesitated outside the kitchen a moment before entering, stifling a yawn and pushing the hair out of his face, but he still forgot to tug the shirt off his hip. "Snow's actually so much nicer here... then in Boston. Doesn't look so cold..."

Matt actually jumped slightly at the voice behind him and he turned to see Saffron already blushing at the turn his thoughts had been taking, as if caught in the act. The sight of him all sleep rumpled with the shirt caught up only made the blush deeper. "Umm… hey... morning..." he stammered softly, managing to tear his gaze away and look down at Violet who was sucking on her bottle completely unaffected by the sudden move.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle to you..." Saffron replied softly finally noticing the shirt and tugged it down, blushing. He hesitated a moment before going over to the patio door beside Matt. "Its true though... doesn't look so cold from here, like it does in Boston."

Matt struggled to keep from looking at him, turning his gaze to the yard outside. "No cold steel and concrete..." he said simply. "Winter always looks nicer outside the city. The snow's cleaner, the airs cleaner... " he let his voice trail off. "Let me finish with Violet and I'll get us some breakfast..."

"Not hungry, Matt. Don't worry about it." Saffron replied simply, still looking out the window. He looked at Matt after a moment, eyeing him. He shook his head and turned, heading back over to the counter, away from Matt to put on coffee.

"You didn't eat last night, kid... you gotta eat something." he said softly, wondering if he dared mention what was on his mind, then deciding it would be a mistake; he couldn't very well talk to Saffron about something this big to try and work it out... especially when he was the subject. "Humor me, please... eat something."

"You don't know if I didn't eat last night..." Saffron replied as he put on a pot of coffee. "Really, I'm fine. I'm not hungry... but I'll tell you when I am, how’s that?" He asked, glancing at him. "What's got you so tense this morning?" He asked softly as he looked back at the coffee pot.

Matt watched his daughter as he considered what to say then finally answered softly. "Dreams." he said simply. "We can always pick up something in town... stop for coffee and muffins or something..." he added.

"Are you in that much of a hurry to get out there?" Saffron asked, turning to lean against the counter and looking at Matt. "So what about dreams?" He asked softly, watching him.

"No, just meant... if you're not hungry now... later on, you know..." Matt said softly then sighed and shook his head. "Just dreams... can't seem to think straight this morning..."

Saffron eyed him then shrugged, "Alright... but if you wanna talk about the dreams, I'd be glad to listen..." He replied softly, turning to get a mug of coffee. "How’s the baby this morning?"

Matt felt himself blushing furiously at Saffron’s offer. "She's good... slept most of the night.. That's a first. Must like having you here..." he said simply. "Just had a wet diaper though... which means she's saving up the toxic goo for a big mess later..." he added with a weak smile.

Saffron snorted softly with a slight smirk and shook his head. "Can't handle changing a diaper, eh?" He asked softly, with a smirk. "Guess its one more good thing I dropped in..."

Matt didn't reply, keeping his attention on Violet to avoid embarrassing himself. He set the empty bottle aside and laid her on his shoulder, rubbing her back gently. "How'd you get any experience with kids?" he asked softly, trying to get his thoughts in order.

Saffron sipped his coffee, before sighing softly. "I have a godson." He admitted softly. "He'll be... three this year..." He added softly. "He lives in Maine with his... father, I see him on the holidays..."

Matt looked up at that, surprised. "Damn... why didn’t you ever tell me?" he asked softly. "Fuck, Saff... first you tell me you've had a boyfriend in secret for the past year... now you tell me you've got a godson... How many secrets are you keeping from me?"

"I'm not keeping secrets from you." Saffron replied seriously, looking at him. "I just have things you haven't asked about. And as I said, I haven't been around my godson except on holidays... but I was there when he was Violet's age."

Matt snorted at that. "How the fuck am I supposed to know to ask about that shit? I mean... ‘Hey Saff... you got a girlfriend or boyfriend’? Come off it... What happened to you feeling like you could tell me anything, huh? Obviously has limits..."

"It never came up in a fucking conversation." Saffron replied, giving him a look. "Not once have we ever had a conversation that led to the subject of if I was dating anyone or if any one had made me god... parent of their child. That's why you never heard about it. The information was there if you wanted to hear about it..."

Matt heard the faint burp and moved to sit Violet in her seat on the table, handing her the rattle as he sank into the chair in front of her. "Suppose so..." he said softly, wondering at how he could feel so close and comfortable with Saffron when there was so much they didn’t know about each other. "Just... not like it's something I'd consider asking... Maybe I'm just a shitty friend..." he said quietly.

"You're not a shitty friend." Saffron replied softly, but seriously, looking at him. "You're my best friend..." He added. "Don't think you're not, Matt..."

Matt snorted softly, not meeting his gaze. "Sure... a best friend that really doesn't know that much about you ... least .. not as much as he thought he did.." he added then sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Sorry... don’t mind me.. told you... can't think that straight this morning..."

Saffron gave him a look. "You know more about me then any one else does." He replied flatly, before taking his cup of coffee and heading out to the living room again.

Matt looked up to watch him go then sighed and folded his arms on the table and lay his head down on them. The odd thoughts of Saffron combined with everything else, were just too much to handle. He was already still adjusting to being a father and having his life reordered to suit an infant, and was having to handle suddenly enjoying sharing a part of his life with someone.... And now he found himself wanting to share the rest of his life with some one too... but the someone he wanted... he just wasn’t sure he should do anything about wanting.  He gave a soft groan, his face hidden in his arms. "Violet... you're daddy is fucked... completely and utterly fucked..." he muttered softly. Violet gave a gurgle and smacked him on the head with her rattle, then whimpered for him to give it back.

~~


Violet's whimpering had grown and she was starting to fuss in earnest when Matt finally sat up and handed her the rattle. She griped the slim handle and banged it against her leg, watching the little handcuffs swing and clink against each other. Matt watched her a moment and snorted wondering where the hell they'd managed to find it. With a heavy sigh he stood and looked towards the doorway. He could feel Saffron's presence so knew he was still nearby, and debated whether or not he should go apologize.... then wondered what the hell was happening to him. Growling under his breath he decided he needed a run and went to the doorway. "Saff?" he called out softly. "Can I ask a favor?"

Saffron had flopped down on the couch, with out managing to dump any of his coffee. He was leaning back against the couch as he held the cup and thought about Valentine weekend... he hated valentines. His mind had drifted off on thoughts better left alone and he blinked at the sound of Matt’s voice. He glanced toward the kitchen and sighed but smirked faintly before unwrapping from the blanket and leaning forward, sitting his cup on the coffee table. He picked up his phone. "Yeah, Matt, you know you can." He answered him back as he turned his phone back on.

"You mind babysitting for a bit while I go for a run?" he asked softly. "Please?" he added wondering if the run would help him get his head straight, or just tired him out a bit.

Saffron turned his phone off with a tired sigh, seeing only messages from Landan. He tossed his phone back on the coffee table, getting up with his coffee cup and going to the kitchen, toeing open the door while leaning the doorframe, the sleep shirt dropping on one side. "Yeah, I'll baby sit." He replied honestly.

"Thanks kid." Matt said softly, Saffron’s being so close dressed in so little made his face burn. "Her clothes and stuff are upstairs if you want to dress her. I try to avoid the pink stuff... but she fusses when I go for anything too... boyish. Friggin' prima donna... Maybe you'll have better luck." he said as he slipped past him into the living room. "I'll go get changed and slip out the front so she won’t see me go."

Saffron watched him go before snorting softly, going into the kitchen. He put his cup in the sink before moving over to the table and sitting in front Violet. He smiled at her, tickling her stomach, and said softly. "Your daddy is an idiot some times... He's just blind to my hints..." He ended up smirking more as Violet giggled.

Matt's face didn’t stop burning until he was dressed in his sweats and outside... and only then the burn changed from a blush to the cold air. The snow forced him to stay on the drive and road rather then the cemetery paths, since he hadn't heard the snow blower running yet; he'd given up trying to keep the paths clear himself and had hired a guy with a walking blower to take care of it. He turned onto the main road and headed away from town, deciding circling the concession should be good enough. He'd definitely need the fireplace and coffee by the time he got home though.

~~

Saffron had no problems, looking after Violet, even having no trouble getting her dressed, something that wasn't too girlish, but not too boyish either. He carried her back down stairs, sitting down on the couch playing with her.

Matt was cold by the time he hit the front porch of the old church; a testament to the weather considering he normally didn’t notice the cold that bad and he'd been running and working up a sweat. He slipped inside the little vestibule and removed his sneakers and windbreaker, trying to be quiet. He shivered as he shook the snow from his hair and  headed into the old sanctuary that served as a living room. He spotted Saffron with Violet and his chest tightened, all his conflicting thoughts he'd hoped resolved flaring back up again. "Hey... hope there's coffee on. I'm gonna light the fire ... don’t care how early it is..." he said with a weak smirk.

Saffron glanced up, brushing the hair out of his face, with a smirk. "There's a pot of coffee on." He replied as he went back to playing with Violet. She was giggling and had her attention focused on Saffron.

Matt watched them for a moment longer, blushing at the way the sight made him feel, then headed for the kitchen. Pouring a cup of coffee, he sat down at the table and just tried to decide what he was going to do.

After a few minutes of Matt not coming back out of the kitchen, Saffron glanced that way with a raised eyebrow before picking Violet up and making his way toward the kitchen. He'd changed while Matt was out, and was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and a pair of black cotton sleep pants. He headed for the kitchen, pushing the door open with Violet on his shoulder, and looked at Matt. "What's wrong?" He asked eyeing him. "And it's not just dreams..."

Matt looked up and smirked softly before dropping his gaze back to the cup of cold coffee he was holding in both hands. "Yeah it is...I just... don’t know what to do about them..." he said then sighed and got up, moving to the microwave to reheat his coffee. "Might be easier if I could talk it out... but..." he looked up at Saffron and blushed more as he turned back to the microwave. "I just can't..."

Saffron leaned against the counter with Violet, rubbing her back as she gurgled and cooed on her shoulder with her rattle. "And I'm not your best friend? This isn't something you can talk to me about?" He replied, giving him a look.

Matt sighed as he removed his coffee from the microwave. "I don’t..." he rubbed his face with one hand, still shivering a bit and moved to sit back down again, letting the hot mug warm him some more. "Fine... you're right. If I can't talk to you, I'm screwed, aren't I?" he asked softly then took a drink of his coffee, wishing he'd taken the time to light the fire before he came for the coffee. "It's just... lately I've been... fuck... I don't know... maybe a bit lonely I guess..." he said softly, keeping his gaze on the coffee. "I keep ending up thinking about... someone..."

Saffron felt his breath catch for a moment, as he looked at Matt, before he managed to find his voice and asked quite calmly. "Is that some one... worth thinking about?" He asked, still rubbing Violet's back.

"Yeah..." Matt said softly. "No... I... I don't know... I mean...I don’t know whether I'm thinking this way about... them.. because of, you know… being lonely and the time of the year and all that shit... and Violet... Or... or if it's more than that..." he said softly.

"Does this some one seem like they'd be willing to hear you out?" Saffron asked. He couldn't help but think any one would be stupid not to give Matt a chance.

Matt snorted softly at that then set his cup down and rested is head in his hands. "Yeah... probably... might kick my ass after wards, but..." he sighed again, closing his eyes. "I just... want to know why... Is it real or just... too much shit at once...?"

Saffron eyed him a moment, before snorting softly, turning his gaze away. "Maybe you should ask them..." He replied softly, before leaning down to pick up Violet's rattle and washing it off with hot water, before handing it back to her.

Matt snorted at that. "Sure... and if I let... if I let them know what I'm thinking and feeling... and then it turns out, I don’t really feel that way after all? Or it just... doesn’t last... or... or they don’t feel the same?" he asked, his voice growing softer. "Saff... I can't do this... I have no fucking clue about... romantic shit..." he added in a soft mutter.

Saffron looked over at him, eyeing him for a moment. He snorted softly, shaking his head. "And I'm not exactly the person to ask about them, either... since my 'relationships' weren't even really relationships. But... Matt... I think those are one of those things you've got to take the chance at. Who knows?  Maybe the other person'll surprise you..."

Matt was quiet for a moment. "And if I'm wrong?" he asked softly. "If I can't... If I can’t handle it?" he asked softly. "I don’t want to... I can’t lose... them.... I can’t risk fucking up one of the best things in my life..."

Saffron shrugged as best he could. "If that other person cares enough about you, they won’t let you loose them..." He replied softly, looking back at Matt a moment. "Its still a chance better taken, then suffer with it..."

Matt sighed softly. "What about you? If someone close to you suddenly told you they cared about you... then turned around and bailed on you... how would you feel about them?" he asked softly. "Don’t tell me you'd be fine with it, Saff... you'd never trust them again... At the least.."

Saffron snorted, giving him another look. "You didn't hear me Matt... if they don't care enough about you not to do that, they're not worth your time... not you any way..." He ended softly, shaking his head again. "It hurts, Matt... I've experienced it enough...but what difference does it make?"

Matt sighed and stood. "No Saf... not them... ME..." he said. "What if I bail on you? Not you bail on me..." he said then shook his head slightly. "Never mind... this whole conversation is fucked. "I'm gonna go grab a shower and see if I can’t warm up..." he said simply.

"You bailing on me, I really can't see..." Saffron replied softly, but seriously, watching him. "But it'd probably kill me pretty good, if you did. But... maybe it's still a chance worth taking..." He replied, before moving to leave the kitchen to go back to the living room.

Matt watched him slip past and shut his eyes, drawing a calming breath and giving Saffron time to cross the room before following and heading to the bathroom. "I just need to get my head straight, kid... it was starting to get hard enough before... this whole 'dad’ thing is just fucking with me..." he said simply before closing the door behind him.

"Jesus, Matt, if we're talking about the same damn thing, I'll be down right thrilled..." Saffron muttered, sitting down on the couch with Violet, bending his knees to prop her up against them. "The things I feel like doing to get his attention..." He muttered to her, shaking his head with a wicked smirk, watching the infant grin back.

Mat froze then leaned his head against the door, wondering if he'd been hearing things. He smirked wearily as he pushed himself away from the door to turn the hot water on. He stripped down as he waited for the water to heat up, his mind still turning everything over.


~~


Saffron got Violet into a jumper and wrapped her up before getting on his own coat, hearing Matt starting the engine of the hearse outside, since they were headed into town. He snorted, shaking his head before tucking Violet into the carrier and picking it up. Half of him figured it'd be amusing to watch Matt being a parent in town.

Matt left the engine running, warming the car up as he finished shoveling the garage doors clear. The laneway had already been plowed out, although it hadn’t been that bad. He managed to get the doors shoved open fully and pulled the car out, leaving it in front of the steps as he went back to shut the garage and put the shovel away. Watching Saffron and Violet together had only made him more sure of what he wanted... and more afraid of screwing it up. Saffron was his best friend; the only person he trusted completely and knew he could count on. The only person he enjoyed being with and looked forward to seeing. He was also a guy... And Matt's worst fear right then was that if he did this and then couldn’t handle being attracted to another guy... he'd lose Saffron.

Saffron picked up the carrier and headed for the door, making sure it was locked behind him before heading for the car. He put the carrier in the back seat, and buckled it in. He'd left his cell phone inside, not that he'd turned it back on and decided today he'd just do with out it. No one knew where he was, so he'd just enjoy the time with Matt and his daughter.

Matt watched Saffron then headed around the car to his side, blocking the passenger side door before Saffron could open it and get inside. “Saffron..” he said softly, trying to think of what to say, then pulled off a glove and slipped the bar hand over Saffron’s cheek  before leaning in and kissing the other cheek lightly, his face burning. “I’m glad you’re here with me… I’m sorry I’m such an ass about this…” he whispered softly.

Saffron blinked, looking up at him surprised before snorting softly. "You haven't been an ass, Matt. So you've got nothing to apologize for." He replied hesitating a moment, reaching up to push the hair out of Matt's face, hoping he wasn't making a mistake. "Now move, it's getting cold out here..." He added, smirking.

Mat smirked softly then wrapped his arms around Saffron, hugging him close a moment before letting him go and heading around the car, pulling his glove back on as he went.

Saffron watched him, before shaking his head, amused and got in the car. "You have issues, Matt..." He said softly, smirking a bit wickedly as he checked Violet in the back seat. As he sat back, he found himself wondering WHEN he'd seemed to take over the baby's care, and not minding one bit... actually enjoying it. He had a feeling if she'd been any ones, but Matt's, he wouldn't care for what he was doing...

Matt snorted as he heard Saffron and got in his own side, ignoring his seat belt as always. "Yeah... I've got issues. I'm dead for starters. I have an infant daughter and I've been dreaming of kissing my best friend.. among other things. And the best issue of the bunch ... he's a guy. I've been fantasizing about making out with another guy..." he said softly, shaking his head. "Yeah Saff.... my having issues is a fucking understatement..." he said softly. "I just hope my issues don’t end up hurting you."

Saffron snorted, giving Matt a look as he buckled his seat belt. "So get over the issues." He replied simply, a slight smirk coming to him. "If you wanted to kiss me, Matt, you only have to ask." He added softly, looking out the window away from him.

"That's just it, Saffron." Matt said softly as he pulled around the circle and headed up the lane to the road. "Is it you? Or is it just me...?" he asked. "I mean... I've never been closer to anyone; I've never felt as comfortable or as... great… as I do when I'm around you. What if... what if... fuck... I don’t know. I can't think straight... I just hope I can do this and not hurt you..." he added.

"Do what?" Saffron asked, looking over at him. "We're not really doing anything just yet... Though I'm not entirely opposed to the idea." He said lightly, looking back out the window. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke to Matt. "Am I worth a try, Matt?"

"Yeah, Saff... you're worth a try." Matt said softly. "That's why I'm trying... I can't take wondering any more. Just looking at you make's me feel good... and... fuck... watching you with Violet... You make me want to keep you here with us forever..." he added a softer. "But you know me, Saff... you know nothing good ever sticks around with me."

"What's Violet, if not something good...?" Saffron replied softly. "Have you never picked up on all the little hints I've been dropping all this time?" Saffron asked, looking back at him. "I'm willing to try..."

Matt blushed even more. "You've had a boyfriend for the past year and never let on, Saff... Not even to me. You had your secrets... I had mine. I didn't think too far about how you made me feel, because I couldn’t handle it.. so no... I didn't pick up on your hints..." he said quietly as he drove.

Saffron snorted softly. "I've been close to cracking you over the head, about it." Saffron replied with a faint smirk before sighing. "He wasn't really a boyfriend...It was just an affair. He just thinks... he can own me..."

"And affair that lasted a year... and you never once let on to your best friend." Matt said softly. "I mean... that means either it was someone you figured I wouldn’t like and would give you shit over... or that you were ashamed of it. And I can't figure out why you'd keep something you were ashamed of, going for a year...."

"It was both, alright? A mistake on my part that I deeply regret. It's been nothing but misery and pain. That and I knew you'd kill him." Saffron replied softly, glancing at Matt as he drove.

Matt couldn't help the dark smirk at that. "He treat you that bad huh? Then I hope he does show up..." he said softly, then sighed and shot Saffron a look. "Oh fuck... please tell me it's not someone from the fucking office..."

Saffron snorted softly, "No, he's not some one from the offices. Some one I met on my own." He replied before smirking grimly. "Well I suppose you could dispose of the body easily... if he did show up..." He added, "And yeah... it wasn't the best of relationships..."

Matt reached over and gave Saffron's hand a gentle squeeze a moment before returning to a two handed grip on the steering wheel. "You've got me now, Saff." he said softly, keeping his attention on the road as they left the backstreets and hit the main street. Just opening up to Saffron the bit he had already had him feeling more comfortable and... more himself. "You need anything while we're here? For yourself... not just... shopping for better stuff for Violet, or shit like that..." he added with a soft smirk.

Saffron snorted softly, but shook his head. "No, I'm fine, Matt, but thank you. I had time to pack the essentials at least." He replied smirking a bit more, still watching the scenery.

Matt smirked and snorted softly. "Surprised you found the place... last time you were here it was the middle of the night and someone dropped you out of a portal practically on my doorstep... and we were gone the next day. I don’t think you even saw the town..." he said as he looked for a parking spot. "How the fuck you managed to find the place without the GPS...." he said then let his voice trail off as he slipped into a spot and shut the car off.

"I have an excellent head for locations." Saffron replied with a slight smirk, glancing at Matt. "That and I managed to sweet talk Lex into getting into the files...nand finding your address..." He added, smirking more.

Matt snorted and turned in his seat, resting an arm over the back of it. "Well duh. You’d have never found the place without it... I was just fucking surprised you found the place WITH it." he said. "So... this place occasionally carries what we'll need for my hair... and if they don't, we can head out to Walmart." Matt said nodding to the department store across the street. "Family type store that has let their kids have a hand in the place... so their stock is... a bit more... liveable. I found her skull booties here." he added with a soft laugh. "They were getting more stuff in, so maybe we can find Violet some 'non' pink girlie stuff we can all live with..."

Saffron gave a half laugh, "Well it's nice to know you've got the mom and dad side of parenting down..." He replied before unbuckling and getting out. He got to the back seat before Matt and gave him a wicked smirk as he unbuckled Violet's carrier and got out with it.

Matt watched him and snorted, then shook his head softly as he reached over the seat and grabbed the diaper bag, pulling it over and taking it out with him. He locked his door behind him and waited for Saffron, part of him a bit anxious at not being the one holding Violet, and part of him glad to have Saffron so willing to share this with him. He caught a few curious stares as people noticed Saffron and wondered what they were thinking.

Making sure the blanket was covering Violet, Saffron closed and locked the door behind him before looking at Matt. "After you." He said with a nod toward the department store, smirking. He barely glanced at the towns people, not really wanting to see them staring, though he didn't fail to notice them.

Matt smirked and shook his head before checking traffic and heading across, staying close to Saffron and Violet anyhow. "So kid... think I'd fuck these people over completely if I dyed Vi's hair blue too?" he asked playfully, his eyes sparkling as they reached the store and he pulled the door open for them.

"Oh, you might get a couple calls to CPS..." Saffron replied, with a weary smirk as he slipped inside as Matt held the door open. "But maybe blue is the wrong shade for her. Try something else... like purple..." He added, looking at back at Matt with a bit more of a smirk as he noticed a couple people staring.

Matt smirked softly. "Yeah well… I'm expecting the calls anyhow... Visits to." he said quietly, his voice serious. He let his hand slip over to rest on the small of Saffron’s back as he let go of the door, then a moment later, slid it the rest of the way around his waist, walking close at his side. "I'm glad you're here, Saff... Just me and Violet on our own was okay... but... it's better with you."

Saffron sighed softly with a slight smirk, leaning against Matt a bit as they walked. "Then I'll give it off as a good idea that I decided to come. It was either this or spend the weekend in the offices and no way was I going to do that..." He added, glancing down at Violet.

Matt paused at the counter to grab a basket then headed towards the hair care section first. His gaze was slipping over the shelves when he suddenly just decided to say what was on his mind. "You can stay, you know." he was fairly sure he was blushing and was glad they were far enough away from anyone else for them to see. "I mean... you were always welcome and... Violet loves you... and... you can stay."

Saffron picked up a bottle of baby shampoo, managing to open the top while still carrying Violet. He smirked faintly at Matt's words as he took a sniff of the shampoo before closing the lid and dropping it in the basket as he slipped past Matt. "I might. Stay that is... for longer then the weekend... if things work out..." Saffron replied, looking at things.

Matt smiled softly. "I'll get my ass in gear and clean up the spare room for you... might need a new mattress, but then... I'll need a new one for the crib too once I finish with it..." he said then snorted softly. "I'm gonna stop jumping ahead now..." he said with a soft chuckle, blushing more and turning his full attention to the shelf and spotting the bleaching kit he used to use back when he did his hair himself. "One down... need the blue... Blue, blue, blue, bingo..." he said and snapped up the dye. "Got my stuff... on to the baby aisle..."

"We're just following you, so..." Saffron replied, following after Matt, while smirking wickedly. "But you don't have to go through so much trouble, Matt..." He said softly, seriously.

Matt lead the way through the aisles to a set of stairs and up to the second floor, where he stopped and quirked an eyebrow. "Wow... they weren't kidding when they said they were getting new stuff in..." he said softly, eyeing the boxes that  could be seen scattered randomly through the clothing racks. He headed to the infants and children’s section which was just off the top of the stairs; the boxes here were either open and spilling their contents onto other boxes, or already unpacked. The 'normal' selection of clothing and accessories was now peppered with more trendy, punkish and gothic selections. He paused and picked up a pink and purple dress in a camouflage print. "Eww... alright... you guys are going too far here..." he called out.

Saffron gave a laugh, looking at the dress as he shifted through the hangers on another rack. "Oh, I don't know, I think it's rather cute. I had a pair of pink camouflage sleep shorts. But they're pink and white..." He said in an absent manner while he pushed the hangers aside, smirking with out looking at Matt. "Must have." He added, holding up a rock print onesie for the Ramones in black and pink.

Matt scowled lightly, his eyes sparkling. "Well... least it's mostly black..." he said grudgingly.

"Hey Mr. Hogan!" a voice called out form behind a rack of boys clothes and a black and purple streaked head popped up. "Dude... what'd you do to your hair?!"  

Matt snorted and held up the basket with the dye. "Fixing it today."  

The kid smirked and wiped imaginary sweat off his forehead. "Good... thought you were going straight on us there for a minute…"  Matt blushed at the kids choice of words but didn’t get a chance to say anything as he noticed Saffron and Violet. "Wow... nice catch. This your kid’s mom? `Cause... damn... nice catch..."

Matt blushed more and reached out to give the kid a shove backwards into a pile of boxes. "Get back to work, Len." The kid just laughed and picked himself up again, shooting Saffron a wink. Matt couldn’t help but glance at Saffron, trying to see what Len had seen... and noticing just how feminine Saffron looked, even dressed normal.. Well.. normal for Saffron anyhow.

Saffron was still flipping through the rack of onesies at hearing Len and merely smirked, glancing at him. For some reason, he didn't mind what the kid thought. He just wasn't sure what Matt thought of the idea.

Matt set the basket down and reached out to brush some hair back off Saffron’s neck. "Sorry... Len's just... Well, fuck he's not as bad as me, and you can handle me, so..." he sighed. "Want me to take her so you can shop easier?" he asked.

Saffron felt a shiver at Matt's touch but shook his head slightly, looking Matt. "What are you apologizing about? What he said hardly bothered me." He replied, "But if it makes you feel any better, you can take her."

"What?" Matt asked then sighed softly. "No... I didn't... I mean... fuck..." he said softly, then slipped his hands around Saffron's waist and kissed him, ignoring the 'whohoo!' from behind him. "I offered to take her so you could use both hands to look through the clothes, Saffron..." he said softly. "Not because I didn't want people to think she was yours. I wish she could be.... "

Matt's kiss caught him off guard, but Saffron managed to get his free arm around Matt's neck before pulling back from the kiss. "You keep kissing me like that in front of everyone in town, and no one's going to believe other wise..." He replied softly with a wicked smirk, having the feeling he was enjoying playing hard to get a lot more then he should.

Matt blushed even more as he snorted. "Yeah... problem with that is... you're not a woman, Saff. If you play up to that and stay, you'll end up having to keep playing a girl..." he said softly, one hand letting go of him to cradle Violet's head as she looked up at him. "And you'll get enough shit from people for just visiting me, let alone moving in... let alone pretending to be her mother..."

Saffron snorted, pulling back a bit more to give Matt a look, his hand resting on Matt's neck. "Look at me, Matt... Do you really think any one's going to think anything different, about me being a woman...? And do you honestly think I'm not up to playing the part either?" He asked softly with a look that was half incredulous and half wicked.

Matt smirked softly and shook his head. "Do you really want to 'play the part' forever, Saffron?" he asked softly. "Wouldn’t you rather just be yourself?"

Saffron smirked, before shaking his head. After hesitating a moment, he leaned back in enough to kiss Matt "Who said anything about this not being me...? Can't say it'd be much of a part to play in the first place..." He replied softly but honestly.

"You're not my girlfriend, Saff..." Matt said softly. "You're my boyfriend... and I'm not going to hide that behind a lie just to make people comfortable." he said, holding both of them close.

Saffron blinked a moment before giving him a look. "Hold up a second, just...when did we go from heavy flirting, straight to established relationship...? Not that I'm complaining, just... be nice to know when you decided this, `cause...you didn't exactly ask..."

Matt blushed even more then let go of him, stepping back. "'Fuck... I'm sorry... Just..." he shook his head. "Never mind... just... fuck..." he said. "You were the one willing to play Violet's mother for fuck sake... which would mean there was an 'established relationship'... I just... oh fuck it… I'm sorry. I'll wait downstairs..." he said leaving the basket where it was and turning to leave, his face burning hotly.

Saffron blinked, watching Matt a moment, before sighing. "Matt... I said I wasn't complaining..." He replied softly but seriously. "If you want to claim me as your... boyfriend... or girlfriend, you can." He added.

Matt waved a hand over his shoulder. "Yeah... I'll wait down here... I'm sorry. Just ... whatever you feel comfortable with. You want to just say you're a friend passing through... that’s fine too..." he said softly as he reached the stairs and started down.

Saffron blinked a bit wide eyed before giving a soft huff. "Ass, you so don't fucking listening..." He grumbled, turning back to the racks, with Violet. "Some times, he can be the most infuriating man..." He told Violet softly, but was forced to smirk as he said it out loud. "Listen to me, I already sound like his wife..."

~ ~

Matt sat on the steps, his gaze fixed on nothing as he tried to figure out how to talk to Saffron about the two of them without putting both his feet in his mouth again. He'd never been good at expressing himself when it came to the softer emotions, and he'd never been in a 'serious' relationship. And he sure as hell never had anyone make him feel the way Saffron did. All of that combined with the fact that he'd only just faced up to his feelings, and he was completely lost. He knew how he felt and he knew what he wanted... he just had no clue how to get it across to Saffron. "Gods I'm so fucked..." he muttered softly and leaned back against the stairs, resting on his elbows.

Matt blinked as he realized someone had spoken to him and only then noticed the three men looking at him. He stayed as he was, his gaze passing over two of them to focus on the one he knew was the ring leader. "You said something?" he asked, simply.  Two of them men snickered at that and the third crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, Hogan... I did." he said slowly, with a smirk. "I asked if you lost the kid already? We have a bet going... I said they'd take it away from you long before the week was out."  

Matt snorted at that then stood, crossing his own arms over his chest, mirroring the other mans posture. The two men were about the same size and the face off immediately drew attention. "No, Swartz... I still have her. Sorry to disappoint." he said simply.  

"Hey Hogan... what the fuck happened too your hair?" the guy on Swartz's left asked. "You trying to pretend to be normal to throw Children's Services off the track?" he added with a smirk.

~~
Saffron noticed a few stares as he continued to shop, picking out a couple things for Violet, and figured he shouldn't linger up here very long with Matt down stairs. And he should probably apologize for being such a brat. With a sigh, he dropped a last gothic onesie in the basket, shifted Violet and headed for the stairs to find Matt.

Saffron started to follow the cool chill that led to Matt, but ended up getting side tracked by the fact that Violet needed her diaper changed. So he diverted his direction, asking on the sales reps where the closet the bathrooms where, and she directed to the restrooms across the floor, away from the stairs. With a sigh, he ducked into the ladies room, to change the changing table in there.

He got Violet cleaned up and changed quickly, unable to shake the feeling something was going to go wrong while they were here. Once he had her dressed again, he picked her, closed the changing table and grabbed the basket, shouldering the diaper and left the bathroom, almost running into two old women, who had to take the time to coo over Violet, while Saffron looked toward the stairs, a bit anxiously. Once he managed to slip them away from the old ladies, he headed quickly for the stairs.

~~

"Fuck off, Russell. The only people who think youe shit is funny... are the two assholes beside you." Matt said simply as he heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs behind him.

"I know who that baby belongs to Hogan..." Swartz said softly, his eyes hard. "I'm gonna see your ass in jail for it too."

Matt snorted softly at that, doing his best to ignore the cold stares he was getting now. "I don’t know what the fuck you're talking about, Swartz. She's my daughter. End of story. You want DNA testing to prove it? Fuck... you pay for it and I'll do it."  

Swartz just shook his head at that, the dark smirk growing. "Oh I know it's your kid... I know who its mother is too. Girls like that are called 'jail bait' for a reason, Hogan."

Matt narrowed his gaze at Swartz. "I still have no fucking clue what you're talking about, Swartz."  

"Oh hey... you know Hogan's girl?" Len's voice sounded behind him and a moment later the teenager appeared at his side. "Fuck... she's hot, isn't she? Definitely not jailbait though... if she is, fuck... she's worth it..."  Swartz shot Len a dark look, and the teenager held his hands up. "Hey... just saying… Fuck... calm down..."

"She up there?" The third man asked then pushed past Len and Matt and rushed up the stairs before Matt could move to stop him. Swartz was still glaring at him with that odd smirk, but Matt refused to rise to the bait. A moment later the guys came pounding half way down the stairs. "It's not her, Ken... it's a black haired Goth chick that has the kid..."

  Swartz almost lost his smirk, then stepped up until he was right in Matt's face. "Where is she, Hogan?" he asked softly.

"Where's who?" Matt asked in return, his temper getting harder to reign in.

"Fine.. play dumb. Not that much of a stretch for you anyhow, I bet. I don’t who the slut is upstairs... but I know it ain't that baby's mother... is it, Hogan? You hire yourself a hooker to play the part to keep C.P.S. of your ass?"  

"That must be the case, Ken... not like any REAL lady would be around him..." the guy on the stairs said a second before Matt's hand grabbed him and threw him over his shoulder into the other two.

"Don’t you fucking talk about Saffron like that..." he growled as Swartz shoved himself free of his friends and launched himself at Matt. Len cursed and dove out of the way while others either cheered the guys on, or yelled for the cops.

~ ~

Saffron had seen the guy appear at the top of the steps, looking around for a moment, before seeming to spot Saffron, stare a moment then head back down the stairs. That only gave Saffron a bigger sense of something wrong and he was just reaching the top of the stairs, when he heard the inevitable beginnings of a fight. He started down the stairs, only to be pulled back by the woman who'd directed him to the bathroom, hearing her say the cops were already on their way. "Shit!" Saffron swore, making the woman blink.

Matt felt several of Swartz's blow land, but considering he was fighting off three of them, figured he was doing pretty good. He just hoped Saffron and Violet stayed out of the way. He felt an elbow catch him in the ribs and reached out blindly, grabbing hold of a hand full of hair and yanking forward until the guy stumbled into view so he could punch him. As he was hauling off to nail Swartz again he saw blue out of the corner of his eye and heard shouts for them to stop.

He let his fist hang in the air a moment, before lowering it as the cops spilled around them, breaking things up. He felt hands grab his wrists roughly just as cold metal closed around the one. "What the fuck are you dick heads doing? They fucking started it!" he snapped, only to have his arm yanked a bit harder before second cuff closed.

"Witnesses are saying you started it, Hogan. Popular version has you throwing Freemont off of the stairs and into Swartz and Russell."  

Matt cursed softly as the cop began reading  him his rights? "Fuck... I don’t believe this shit..." he muttered, then sighed softly as he noticed the other three were undergoing the same treatment. "What about my...?"

The cop gave him a light shove towards the door. "You’ll get your call at the station, Hogan." he said.

Matt glanced over his shoulder. "Fuck.. Saff! Len… fuck.." he said. "Damn it man... I'm not alone… will you at least take the car keys out of my pocket and give them to... my girl?" he asked, only to be ignored.

Saffron finally managed to shake the woman upstairs off, "That's my... boy friend down there..." He told the woman, before heading down the stairs, part of his mind wondering if that was the right thing to put out. He caught sight of Matt being escorted out, "Matt!" He called after him, only to get stopped from following by one officer taking statements. "What did he do?" Saffron asked the officer.

"He started a fight." The officer stated.

"Oh that..."Saffron cut off his comment, starting for the door, then turned back to the cop. "Where is the jail?" He asked the guy, the irritation clear. The cop gave him directions and Saffron was left to try and decide on finding a ride, or walking.

~~