"Sylvie! Hey Sylvie, wait up! "

She turned at the sound and saw the dark brown ponytail bobbing its way across campus towards her. She smiled and stopped, readjusting her hold on her books as she waited for the girl to push her way through a mob of students, who by the look of it, were on their way to a cricket match.

"Angie... I'm going to be late if you don't hurry..." she said and the girl put on a burst of speed and shouldered her way through.

She stopped in front of her, bending over at the waist and struggled to catch her breath, grinning."Wheew! Alright then, there's my exercise for the day! Catching Professor Lattern's lecture, are you?" she asked, keeping pace as Sylvie resumed walking. "Mind if I tag along? Not that I plan on actually going IN, or anything..."

Sylvie smiled and gave a soft chuckle. "Of course not, I would never dream of assuming such a thing. Of course you can walk with me. What's up?"

The pretty brunette grinned and readjusted her pack. "Good. Garret's been eyeing me again, and he's much too nervous to bother me when I'm with you.. with any luck I can loose him near the hall." she bubbled and Sylvie just shook her head at the girls seemingly endless cheerful energy. It was one of things that drew them together as such good friends."Oh, Dani called. She's planning on coming over this summer, isn't that wonderful?! Imagine the three of us girls?!" Angie's 'American cousin', Danielle, was the other thing .. When Angie had learned that Sylvie was from the States, she'd bounced right over and intruduced herself, inciting her 'american cousin' as common ground.

Sylvie just shook her head. "I can only imagine. The two of you do nothing but plot ways to get me in trouble or make a fool of me. And I'm not sure how much I'll be around this summer, Angie. Micheal's talking about taking some time off..."

"Oh but that's why you HAVE to spend the summer with us!! We have a wedding to plan! Oh please, Sylv... at least let us share you with your handsome stud!"

Sylvie chuckled, blushing. "Alright, look. I can't make any promises, since I don't know what's going on or where I'll even be, but I'll see. And for the record, the mere thought of you two involved in the planning of my wedding.. frightens me." She stood at the enterance to the hall and shook her head at Angie's delighted giggles. " I'll catch you later. Have fun avoiding Garret."

Angie rolled her eyes and waved, glancing around quickly before slipping in with a pack of students headed for another hall.Sylvie was still shaking her head in amusement as she took her seat and waited for the Professor to arrive.

**

There were about a dozen sticky notes attached to her door when she returned to her room after class. She pulled the mess off and and flipped through them as she set her books down and put the kettle on. All except one was from either Micheal's brother or his friend Kay. The lone message was from whoever had taken the other messages telling her to get a damned cell phone, her hand was getting cramped from taking messages for her. She smirked and tossed that one in the trash bin. The other messages just said they'd call back, that it was important that they get a hold of her. She wondered why they hadn't left a number for her to call them...

There was a loud thump on her door, then a head peeked around the corner, and Sylvie recognized the girl from across the hall. "The phone's for you again.. damned bloody things been ringing all afternoon!"

Sylvie gave her a smile as she passed by, heading for the payphone down the hall. " Thanks for taking the messages. I'm sorry it's been so busy." she said then picked up the receiver."Hello? Kay? What on earth is going on? My hall mates are getting grumpy playing messen.." The sound of Kays voice cut her off and she suddenly felt her knees give out. She gripped the egde of the phone as she went down and was vaguely aware of her neighbor running to her side asking if she was okay. "No.. no it's not true.. no..." she heard someone saying over and over, and was only faintly aware that it sounded like her voice.

She felt the phone being plucked out of her hand and heard a voice ask what was going on. "Oh. Fucking hell."

"Sylvie?!" Angie's face was suddenly in front of her, the girl down on her knees. She looked up at the other girl who'd just hung up the phone. "What the hell is going on? What happened? The two of you look like you've just seen a bloody ghost?!"

"Her fiance... "

"Micheal? What about him? Was that him?" Angie asked, dividing her attention between checking Sylvie over for injuries and looking up at their neighbor." He didn't break up with her or anything stupid, did he?"

"No... he'd dead. That was a friend of his... there was some sort of fight..."

Angie felt the blood rush from her face and she suddenly found herself on her rearend, staring in shock at Sylvie. "Oh, bloody hell. Oh fucking bloody hell... oh Sylvie..." She reached out and pulled her friend into a hug, but Sylvie didn't seem to respond to anything. She just sat there, blank eyed and pale, muttering 'no' over and over....

**

The furneral was a small private affair held at the family chapel in Scotland. There were only about a dozen or so people at the graveside, although the preceding wake had been overflowing with people. Sylvie stood between Micheals' mother and brother, Nate. She knew the two young men on the far side of Mrs.MacDonnell were cousins, and that the two older man with them were uncles, one from each side of the family. Kay was standing across fomr the family and slightly back with a tall dark haired young man she'd been told had known Micheal as well. Nate and Michael's friend Eire was standing on the far of Nate as silent and morose as Nate himself, as if it were his own brother about to placed in the ground.The rest were a scattering of family employees and close friends.

The priest was apparently not against giving last rites to a witch. She couldn't really hear what he was saying, everything just seemed so far away as she stared down at shiny mahogany coffin festooned with flowers. Her Micheal was gone. Her future was gone. Just like that. In just a few short months he'd appeared and whipped her life into a whirlpool of love and excitement and now he was gone. The ring on her finger seemed to burn with a coldness that echoed inside her.

She felt a hand slip into hers and looked over to see Nate, his eyes bruised looking and tired, his far arm in a sling. She turned back to the coffin and saw the winch slowly lowering it into the ground. A part of her wanted to run away screaming. another wanted to throw herself ontop of the coffin and cry. Instead she just stood there, still as a statue and watched as it disappeared into the earth. She felt Nate give her hand a squeeze then let go, and watched him walk forward to kneel at the graveside, plucking a handful of dirt and let it fall ontop of the coffin below. She saw him bow his head for a moment then she saw the flutter his tossed in his rose. She was aware of Mrs. MacDonnel's hand on her arm, urging her forward with her. She followed woodenly and looked down. She was suddenly blinded by the rush of tears as she dropped her own rose down into that hole. She heard Mrs.MacDonnell mumble something as she tossed in her own rose, then felt that pressure on her arm again, but this time she didn't move. She was vaguely awar that Nate was still standing at the graves edge as well as the other came forward in ones and two to drop in their flowers and say a final good bye.

She didn't know how long the two of them stood there, and had only the vaguest awareness of the others leaving. Micheal's mother and the one cousin were the last to leave aside from Eire, who was a silent statue behind them and off to the side, and  the grave digger, who stood patiently by waiting for them to leave as well. At some point he became tired of waiting as well and began to fill in the grave.

She could hear Nate crying every now and then, and was aware that her own face was wet and her throat sore from sobbing, but the two of them stood side by side as the grave slowly filled with dirt. A light drizzle had begun to fall at some point but still they stood. Finally the grave was filled in and the man stopped and after a moment akward hesitation, gave Nate a pat on the shoulder before he left. If he said anything, she didn't catch it, but then she didn't seem to be hearing things very well..

The walk back to the manor was a blur... someone had come out to get them and there were warm towels waiting for them inside. Mrs.MacDonnell was clucking over them and pushing them towards the fireplace, the cousins and uncles giving way before them. At some point the uncles and the one cousin were gone, and the other cousin.. Duncan, she believed his name was, came to stand with them by the fire.

Kay and her friend had gone, along with a young man named Brian, who had apparently been a close friend of Micheals growing up. Sylvie felt completely out of touch with everything. Nothing seemed real. She'd felt like this ever since getting the phone call. She knew she was in shock and that she had to get a grip on this and break out of it... but she just couldn't seem to find the strength to do that. She wondered how Mrs.MacDonnell was coping so well. She was red eyed but functioning, as was everyone else. Only her and Nate seemed effected so deeply. And Eire.. but she was never sure what Eire felt or thought, he was just always there and the pain was visibly etched into his very being..

For some reason she suddenly remembered how everyone always assumed she was Nate's girlfriend instead of Micheal's, since they were the same age and Micheal was older. Even their mother had needed some reassurance that yes, she was indeed with Micheal. Her own parents had been more irritated that she'd become engaged to a 'foreigner' to bother complaining that he was older.. although she was fairly sure they would've, given enough time.

she was startled out of her thoughts be an arm around her shoulders and looked up to find Mrs. MacDonnell beside her urging her to bed. She looked beside her but saw no sign of Nate or Eire and wondered when they'd left... with a sigh she gave the fire one last look and let herself be led off to bed.

**

Sylvie clutched the edge of the sink, and waited for the woozy feeling to pass. The face that greeted her in the mirror was drawn and haggard. Dark circles rimmed her eyes, which were red and puffy from crying and lack of sleep. The doctor had given her pills to help her sleep, but she hadn't taken any of them. She hated pills and she was afraid to sleep anyways... the dreams were just too much...

It had been three weeks since she'd returned from Scotland, opting to go back and finish off the semester. She needed to be doing something to keep her mind busy and the thought of going home to have her parents fuss over her with nothing to do but think of Micheal... she shuddered and gave her face a final splash of cold water before leaving the room. Angie was waiting in the hall for her. "Sick again?" she asked quietly as they walked back to their room.

Sylvie nodded. "Probably a touch of the flu.. I haven't had much of an appetite either and I feel a bit flushed. Most likely from me standing out in the rain at the funeral..." she muttered and put the kettle on for tea.

Angie was quiet for a moment before pulling a small brown paper bag from her purse and handing it over to her. "This is the fourth morning in a row, Syl... I think you should use this."

Sylvie looked at her friend quizzically and opened the bag. she crumpled it shut and handed it back to her, her face burning a bright crimson. "Don't be ridiculous, Angie. I don't need this. He's .. dead... I'm not...."

Angie pulled a chair out and sat down beside her, removing the pregnancy test from the bag and holding it out to her. "It won't hurt to know for sure, Syl. When was the last time you two.. you know? It's possible... be sure."

Sylvie swallowed hard and looked down at the slim pink box being held out to her. With trembling fingers she accepted it. "It's just the flu."

**

"Nate?" Sylvie asked when a rough sounding voice answered the phone. "You sound as bad as I feel.. and look." she said, forcing a smile even though she was on the phone. Angie stood beside her, holding her hand. "It's good to hear your voice too. Not too bad, I guess, considering.. school is school, and all. Don't sleep much, don't eat much... yeah I know.. so everyone keeps telling me." she glanced up as one of the other hall residents walked past. "Listen Nate.. I needed to talk to you about something. I don't know who to tell or what to say... but I knew I could come to you." she paused for a moment and Angie squeezed her hand, urging her on. With a deep breath she forced the words out." Nate.. I just found out..... " she closed her eyes. " I'm pregnant." She felt tears slip down her cheeks during the brief silence on the other end of the phone. "Yes, I'm sure. I took one of those home tests, then made an appointment with a doctor to be sure. About four and a half weeks. Oh no, Nate no... I'm going to finish the semester and then.. I don't know... I don't particularly want to go home, but I'm not sure I can handle Hawkscliff right now.. I know you mean well... we'll see. Maybe by the time the semester's out i'll feel differently. Of course, tell your mother. The only one's here who know are Angie and the doctor.. I haven't told my family yet. I'm just not ready for all those looks and comments... the condolences are bad enough as it is, if they knew..." she took a deep breath and forced another smile. "Thank you, Nate. Of course you can visit, and I'll keep you updated constantly. Give your mother my love, will you? Thank you. I need to go, public phone and all... you take care too. Bye."

She hung up the phone and leaned into Angie's arms as the other girl hugged her. "Come on... let's ditch clases today and go shopping for baby stuff..." angie whispered, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. Sylvie gave a chuckle as she sniffled. "Can't. Maybe on the weekend. Final's start in a week or two and I don't want to miss any classes in the mean time."

Angie rolled her eyes. "Oh pulease. You're going to fly through finals, you always do." Angie said, but linked arms with Sylvie as they headed back to their room.

**

The soft knock at the door startled her out of a light doze, and she laughed softly at herself as she sat up a bit straighter. The window seat had proved to be more comfortable then she’d thought.. or perhaps she’d just been tired…She gave her head a gentle shake, smiling and called out. "Come in."

The door popped open and a familiar redhead popped in. "Hope y’ don’ mind m’ droppin’ in on ye." Nate said as he shut the door behind him and walked over to join her at the window.

"Of course not. " She said, waving at the chair nearby. "I shouldn’t be sitting here anyway. I keep dozing off."

Nate smirked. "Mum says that’s good. Y’ need yer rest. ‘Course, y’ also need fresh air, sunlight and exercise." he added. "Do ye feel up t’ a bit o’ a ride? I asked her if it would be alrigh’ an’ she says ye should be fine as long as we take it slow. No fool jumpin’ an’ runnin’ pell-mell, she says. Sorry." He gave a shrug with a smirk creeping out, and she gave her head a soft shake in amusement.

"Sounds like a wonderful idea. Thank you for thinking of it." She said and before she could do more then shift in her seat, Nate was standing and helping her to stand. She laughed and gave his chest a playful whack. "I’m not an invalid, Nathaniel, and I’m not big enough to need that much help just yet." She added. At four and a half months she was just starting to show. The swell of her belly a bit on the small side, according to Nate’s mother, but all women carried different and she was certainly healthy enough, as was the baby according to the doctor. Nate and his mother had cast all sorts spells on her, everything from a spell to prevent miscarriage to one that aided in bladder control. She had no idea whether or not they’d done much good, she still seemed to have to go to the bathroom four times as often as usual. If the spell was helping, then she was very glad they’d cast it… she’d never have been able to leave the bathroom otherwise.

She pulled on another sweater before leaving her room. Scotland was beautiful place and she was glad she’d come to stay with the MacDonnells at HawksCliff, but she seem to feel the chill in the air here stronger then she had in England. Helena had told her that it was probably the pregnancy, that she’d felt chills more when she’d carried Nate. Either way, she seemed to never be without at least one sweater on over top of whatever else she was wearing, and that was indoors.

The air outside was brisk for early fall and she was glad she had her gloves shoved into the pockets of her coat. The horses she saw, Nightmare and Nutmeg, if she remembered correctly, were standing saddled and ready. Nutmeg’s foal, a young filly, danced around her excited to be allowed to join them. Sylvie was glad that Helena rode so that there was a sidesaddle available for her to use. She’d never been comfortable riding astride, even as a girl back on her parents’ farm, and didn’t think she would be any more comfortable in the standard English saddles then in the old western saddles back home. From the time she first saw a lady ride sidesaddle, she swore that was for her.

Nate helped her up then quickly mounted his own. Nightmare, she noted, wore a western saddle and bridle with some very nice burn work on it. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised. She doubted Michael had rode English either… the two of them loved being different to much to fit in.

They headed out across towards the trees, the young filly trotting along beside them. The only other horse used to the sidesaddle had injured her foot recently and was still recovering, and Nutmeg couldn’t be separated from her foal yet… she refused, jumping fences and going generally bizzerk if they tried. She rather liked riding with the foal along side her. She loved watching it’s antics, and Nutmeg seemed to not mind in the least. They stuck to the tree line, not going to deep in, cutting up through the fields. The house always in sight. She knew this was for her benefit as well as the mare and foal, but was still amused by the way Nate was always so careful with her.

They rode mostly in silence, just enjoying the fresh air and the feel of the horses. That was something she’d noticed form the start with Nate. They had always had this comfort level between them that didn’t need words. Most of their time together was silent, just drawing strength and comfort from each others presence. The last couple months here with him and Helena had been wonderful. She was beginning to suspect that Helena secretly hoped her and Nate would become involved, and so her and the baby would remain with the family. She try to tell her that she wasn’t planning on taking the baby form their lives. She wanted her daughter to be close with her fathers family, and that while she loved Nate, it was as a brother and friend, nothing more.

Nutmeg came to a stop, jolting her out of her thoughts and she looked around sheepishly to find them stopped at a stream, all three horses drinking. Nate grinned over at her. "Lost in thought again?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, I do that a lot lately…" she answered. The first two months after Michaels’ death had been the worst.She’d been in shock, depressed, extremely withdrawn. It wasn’t until her doctor gave her hell, telling her that she was endangering her baby with her attitude and careless actions that she’d begun to snap out of it. She started going to her therapist for grief counseling and actually talking, and she began to pay more attention what she ate and how much sleep she got, making sure she took her vitamins and drank enough water and milk… by her fourth counseling session she’d accepted the invitation to come stay at HawksCliff.

She’d been here two months, walking the grounds either alone or with Nate or Helena. Occasionally Nate’s cousin Duncan would drop in and accompany her, or Michael’s friend Brian. Although Brian seemed very withdrawn and quiet, he seemed to genuinely like being around her, and he was a very nice person. She wished he’d visit more often. Their friend Eire was usually around somewhere,since he'd been staying with Nate since Michael's death, although he seemed distant and rather shy and so she didn't see much of him except when Nate was around.

There were also many shopping and dinner trips, mostly with Helena, mostly centering around the baby. She was only just into her second trimeseter and already the nursery was ready and stocked. Every time she turned around there was a new outfit or blanket from Helena nestled away in one of the drawers, or a new stuff toy from Nate tucked into the crib or on a shelf. The majority of the toys seemed to be horses, with bears taking second place. Sylvie had tried to dissuade them both from buying so much and pampering her so badly, but came to realize that they needed her and this baby. Her and her daughter were their escape from grief, they’re way of accepting Michael’s death. And she’d realized that she felt the same about her daughter, but alos about them. Since joining them here she’d begin to feel a great deal better. She still cried herself to sleep far to often and spent too much time at Michaels grave, but she was better. She could get on with her life and think about the future.

Nate chuckled and she looked down to see him standing at her side. "Yer gonna fall asleep y’ kept driftin’ off like that. Come on down fer a bit." He said and held up his arms and helped her slide down. He kept his arm around her waist as he led her to where he’d already spread out a blanket for them to sit on.

She wondered suddenly if Helena knew something she didn’t. Did the woman hold her hopes for them because she suspected Nate felt something for her? Sylvie didn’t think he did. She thought he probably felt the same as she did, plus that annoyingly endearing over protectiveness. Still, she wondered how far the two of them would go to keep her and her daughter with them. If they thought she might go back to the States, what would happen? Would Nate go so far as to ask her to marry him? Friendship aside, she suspected he just might. They certainly got along well enough, and cared about each other. Marriages had started and survived on less, she knew. But did she want a marriage of convenience built on friendship? Sadly enough, she didn’t know. She figured it was just because she was still in love with Michael and getting over his loss, but she was suddenly afraid if she stayed here too much longer, Nate might just ask her, and she might be weak enough to say yes. She didn’t think it would be right for either of them. Nate deserved a chance to be in love and if he tied himself to her out of love for his brother, then he wouldn’t be free to find that. Sylvie gave a soft sigh as she sat down, and determined to leave the MacDonnell’s for a while. Hawks Cliff had helped a great deal and she knew she’d return in time for the baby to be born, but for now, she felt the need to be away.

"Syl." Nate said, drawing her attention. His playful smile made her smile in return as she tucked a piece of windblown hair behind her ear. "Got a question fer ye."

Sylvie felt her heart pound at the coincidence between her thoughts and the moment and silently repeated the word no over and over. She almost laughed out loud at her foolishness when he asked his question. "Have y’ thought of a name yet?"

She smiled and nodded slowly. "Yes. Ever since I found out it wa a girl I’ve been narrowing it down, and lately I’ve had one name in particular sticking in my head. Tamara. I was thinking of either Tamara Hope MacDonnell, or Tamara Michelle MacDonnell… what do you think?"

Nate leaned back on his elbow, turned to face her. "Tamara. A beautiful name. Hope has a nice ring t’ it, but Michelle does flow rather well with it, doesn’t it now?"

Sylvie chuckled. "You’re no help." She said and leaned back on her elbows, looking up at the sky. "I still have plenty of time to decide for sure, I guess. Perhaps I’ll come across another name instead, but for now, I think I’ll go with Tamara Michelle. Nate? I was just thinking that I’d like to leave for a while. Spend some time on my own. Travel a bit before I get too big and awkward. I have some money set aside for airfare.. maybe I’ll go home and visit my family for a bit. Give mom a chance to fuss over me too."

Nate was quiet for a while and she began to worry that she’d somehow hurt his feelings. She turned to look at him and found him watching her with a smirk on his face. "What?"

He shook his head and tossed a handful of grass into the wind. "Nothin’. Just d’ye realize that that’s the first y’ve mentioned yer family that I’ve known y’ and not sounded bitter? Y’ almost sound like ye miss ‘em."

She smiled softly. "Yeah. I guess I do. I try not to think about it much. I had a good childhood, I suppose. Loving home, lots of friends and family. But my parents were never comfortable with how smart I seemed to be. Having a genius for a daughter didn’t sit well with them. Of course, I’m not a genius.. for which they breathed a sigh of relief… Being told I have a photographic memory somehow seemed worse to them, though. Like I was now some kind of freak. They tried, they really did, but we were just never.. close. They seemed to be overly critical of everything. Looking back I think they were afraid. I loved the farm as a kid, but I knew I didn’t want to stay there. Donny did. Donny loved being a farm boy. He still does. He’s the good child, following in our parents footsteps, leading a normal life."

"Accepting the scholarship to school was bad enough in their eyes, but accepting it to a school across the ocean! How horrible!" she laughed, smiling. "I think my telling them I was in love with a scotsman was a bit much for them, but when I talked to them after Michael’s death… they seemed different. The news of the baby was greeted with a surprising acceptance as well. I think their almost excited. "

"Would y’ like some company fer the trip?" Nate asked. "I can take some time off m’ studies an’ what not an’ accompany ye. Fer the trip, at least. I won’t impose on yer family time if ye don’t want me t’."

She smiled softly. " I don’t know Nate. I just feel like I need some time alone. The trip from here to there will be just about all I have, unless I wander a bit first. " she gave her belly a pat. "And if I want to be in any shape to fly back in relative comfort, I can’t wander long. I hope my visa is alright. I’m not returning to school until next year.. will I have that much trouble comeing back, do you think?"

Nate smirked. "Don’t worry. Mum will take care of tha’. Can I at least give y’ a ride t’ th’ plane?"

Sylvie laughed. "I’d like that. And a ride back when I return would be appreciated as well. And Nate? " she bit back her grin as he turned a quizzical look at her. "Try not to get too carried away while I’m gone… there has to be enough room in the crib for the baby, remember."

**

Sylvie looked out the window of the pickup as they bounced along the rutted gravel drive, her brother at the wheel. The fields long since shorn of their crop, held a short stubble of chaff only, through which a few stray cows grazed half heartedly. Don pulled the pickup to a stop and sighed. "Damn.. look at the mess they made." He muttered, looking towards the tangle of wire and broken fence boards. The ground around the fence all the way over to the cattle themselves was churned up to a muddy mire thanks to this mornings rain. She could see long red stripes along several mud splashed hides.

"Looks like some of them cut themselves up. I hope none of them are too bad." She said watching as he unbuckled and opened his door. He turned back to look at her, his eyes going to her belly.

" Are you going to be able to drive alright? The field’s going to hell to get through. I don’t want you getting hurt."

"Won’t know until I try, Don. I’ll go slow. I can always be the runner if you’d prefer." She said sliding awkwardly across the seat, mentally crossing her fingers that her belly would fit behind the wheel without touching it.. If the wheel touched her, then it would slam into her with every bump and she wouldn’t be able to do this.

Don snorted. "Sure. I can see you waddling through a muddy field waving your arms at a bunch of cows. They’d be laughing to hard to run back through the fence." He said as he shut the door.

Sylvie reached through the open window and smacked his hat off his head. He chuckled as he bent to retrieve it, slapping it against his leg to bang off any new dirt before pulling the poor grimy old thing back on his head. He patted the door. "Go on then. Let me get around to the far side so they won’t go deeper in, then come on in. Try not to get stuck." He added with a grin, then keeping one eye on the cattle to make sure he didn’t spook them, jogged away, doubling back around to come up on the far side of them. He gave her a wave and she gunned the engine, honking the horn, hoping the noise would scare them. She was going to see if she could stay on the road as much as possible so she didn’t tear up the field any more then it already was. She gave a smile of relief as she saw the cows startle and start to shy away, then Don started whooping and waving his arms, and between the two of them, the cows trotted back through the opening. Don grinned at the ease with which they went through and quickly yanked out some twine, roping off a temporary fence before heading back to the truck for his tools.

"Hell that was easy." He said with a grin. Leaning over the side to fish out the roll of barbed wire and his tool belt. Hammer, pliers and a pouch full of nails and such already for use, he belted it on and picked up the wire, his gloved hands safe from the tines. "I’ll be a bit. You okay? Sorry your trip to town got delayed."

Sylvie smiled and shook her head. "Don’t worry about it Don. The Library will still be there tomorrow, and the books aren’t due back for a few days yet. I’m fine. Go fix that thing before the fools try again." She watched her brother jog back across the muddy patch of field, slipping once in the muck. She sighed in disappointment when he managed to catch his balance and not go down, and he turned and flashed a grin as if reading her mind.

She gave a startle "umpf" as Tamara gave her mother a good hard kick in the gut, and she laughed, letting her hand cover the spot where she’d kicked. A moment later she felt the foot thump against her hand again. The baby had been getting restless lately, and so had she. She found herself missing Hawk Cliff and the MacDonnells more and more and had finally decided to return. She’d booked her flight for just after ThanksGiving. " One more week, little one, and then we’ll go home to Uncle Nate and Grandma Helena." She whispered softly, rubbing her belly as the kicking subsided. She’s stayed a bit longer then she’d intended, taking the time to travel a bit to visit friends and other relatives while she was here. Her due date was still a couple months away, and while she’d begun to have trouble with aching muscles and what not, and was beginning to need help getting in and out of chairs and bed more often, she was still in reasonalbly good shape to travel. The only downside being that she’d begun having trouble with morning sickness again. The doctor had said it was unusual, but the baby seemed to be doing fine. He’d suggested trying a different vitamin regimen and cutting out certain foods to see if it helped at all. She found herself missing Helena. The doctor was a nice enough guy and all, but she had the feeling he didn’t know what was wrong and so was just trying to reassure her.

She felt the odd sensation of the baby moving and started to hum as she rubbed circles onto her stomach. Helena had said it would sooth the baby and settle her down and it always did. She was amazed at how quickly she’d outgrown her clothes after leaving Scotland, having to seemingly go up in size every week. At first she’d worried about not having Nate and Helena there to perform their various spells and charms, but the baby seemed to be doing fine. Helena had spoken one over the phone once while Sylvie drew a pattern over her belly to go with it, and it hadn’t gone well. She’d been tired and sick the next day and Tamara had barely moved at all for a week, scaring her to death. Helena had decided it would best to let her be until they could be done in person. Sylvie figured she’d done the pattern wrong or something, even though Helena said it shouldn’t have had that bad an effect. At the worst the spell would have simply not worked and Helena would have bad a bit of a back lash. Most likely a headache. Sylvie shouldn’t have been effected at all.

She was still rubbing and humming idley as Don tossed his stuff in the back and stood at the door, leaning in the window. "You gonna wiggle over or drive?" She turned a smile to him and began to shuffle over to the passenger side. He climbed in and nodded to her belly as he buckled up. "She making a fuss again?" Sylvie nodded, smiling. Donny shook his head laughing. "Lord I hope she gets it out of her system now, or when she can use her lungs in addition to her feet…" he laughed, letting his words trail off in a shake of his head as he started the truck and backed them down to where they could turn around.

**

She felt a huge smile break out on her face and wished she was still able to run, as she spotted the familiar black cowboy hat waiting by the luggage carousel. She noticed he’d grown his hair a bit longer in the past couple months, and it was pulled back in a short pony tail. She wondered if he would let it grow as long as Michael’s. He seemed to spot her a moment after she’d seen him and grinned, letting his eyes sweep over her huge belly. He jogged the short distance to meet her and hugged her as well as he could. "Well, now tha’s more like it! Travel seems t’ agree with her!" He said, jokingly and patted her belly. Tamara abligingly gave him a good swift kick. He looked shocked for a moment then rested his hand back down again, the next thump bringing an even bigger smile to his face. He chuckled. "Lard we’ve miss y’ girl." He said and swept her into another hug. "Mum’s beside herself. She’s got a friggin’ feast planned fer tonigh’! I hope yer hungry and up t’ some company." He chuckled, his arm going across her back as he slung her carry on bag over his shoulder and steered her to the baggage claim for the rest.

Sylvie pointed out her bags as they came into sight and Nate snagged them, refusing to let her have even her carry on. "I’m sure I’ll be starving by the time it’s served. I can never seem to stay full for very long. Duncan and Brian joining us? "

Nate nodded as he led the way out to the car. "And Father Quiggly. Unfortunately, my cousin Conner will be joing us as well, but he’ll be leaving in the morning, thankfully." He said with a smirk as he tossed the luggage in and came around to help her inside. "Lard I can’t get over how big y’ve gotten. Mum was worried tha’ y’ were so small when y’ left! " he chuckled. "Wait ‘till she get’s an eyeful o’ ye now!"

**

Sylvie stretched, enjoying the feel of the fire and the heavy blanket across her lap. Conner was arguing in the hall with Nate and Duncan, as usual. Eire was a silent shadow that hung back, but looked ready to pounce on conner if needed. The three of them had been at it all night. According to Helena, the only time she’d ever seen them in the same room together and civil, was at Michael’s funeral. She sighed in relief as she heard the door open, knowing Connor was finally on his way. She’d found him to be a rather difficult man to like. She was sure he was charming enough when needed and he was handsome enough.. He was just… she gave up the thought with a shrug. He just rubbed her wrong. The sound of footsteps made her smile and she wasn’t surprised when Duncan leaned around her side and place a kiss on her cheek. "Good morning, cousin." He said with a smile. "Missed y’ at breakfast."

Nate kissed her other cheek. "Yes. Mum said y’ were under the weather. Feelin’ better now?"

She smiled and nodded, cuddling deeper into the blanket and wiggling her toes at the fire. "Yes. I think it was just a combination of jet lag and making a pig of myself at supper last night. " she said with a soft embarrassed laugh. The two men sat down nearby, and Eire slipped past her to perch on the arm of the sofa nearest Nate, a quiet smile and half wave his only hello."I didn’t sleep well either, but again…. Jetlag and overly full tummy…" she said with a pat. There was no answering kick from Tamara and she frowned. The baby had been oddly quiet since they returned yesterday. Maybe all the magic in the air was soothing to her too, making her settle down at last. Part of her looked forward to a nightsleep without being kicked awake every hour or so, while another part missed the constant movement. She felt the baby stir and smiled, giving her belly another pat.

Nate was smirking at her. "Kickin’ again, is she?"He turned to Eire. “Y’ should feel the little darlin’ kick! Quite a whallop!” he laughed, nudging his friend and sending him rocking slightly on his perch.

Sylvie smiled and shook her head. "No, no kicking this morning. She’s settled down a good deal since we got here. She just decided to roll over." She said and gave another stretch. "Oh lordy it’s good to be back. I don’t even mind the chill. " she said smiling. She turned a look at Nate." I haven’t looked in the nursery yet. I’ve been afraid of what I might find…"

Helena chuckled from behind her. "The nursery is ready and waiting. Nate has shown amazing restraint in adding things to it." She stopped and gave Sylvie a kiss on her cheek before setting a cup of tea beside her. "Here, sweet." She said and gave her bellt a soft pat.

Sylvie smiled and picked up the cup, smiling even more as she inhaled the wonderful aroma of cinnamon and apples. She’d thought it was just plain tea, but then she should’ve known better in this household. " Oh, aye… hasn’t put a blessed thing in th’ nursery." Duncan added with a grin. "He’d go’ it all stuck in his room." Sylvie chuckled as Nate whammed his cousin with a throw pillow.

"Here now. Enough o’ tha’ nonsense." Helena said softly, the mirth evident in her voice. "Sylvie, sweet. When yer done yer tea, we’ll see how th’ wee one’s doin’. It’s past time fer th’ last batch of prenatal spells, although she seem’s t’ be doin’ fine." She said and gently brushed aside a lock of Sylvie’s hair. "It’s more tradition in Tamara’s case it seems."

Sylvie smiled and drank her tea, at first trying to pick out the different herbs, but the apple and cinnamon seemed to predominate. She set the cup aside and smiled up at Helena. "All set. " she said and gave her belly a pat. "What do you say, little one? Up for some attention from Grandma?" She heard Nate and Duncan chuckle and looked up to see Helena making a face. She chuckled, and gave another pat. "Uh oh… I think we’re going to have to find another name… she doesn’t seem to like ‘grandma’ very much.." she glanced at Nate with a twinkle in her eye. "What about granny?"

The sound of laughter almost drowned out Helena’s indignant."Don’t y’ dare!"

**

Sylvie pulled the blanket she’d wrapped over her heavy coat tighter around her as she walked, following the familiar path. A light dusting of early snow covered the ground but she made her way unerringly to Michaels’ stone and sat down on the stone bench Nate and Eire had moved there for her months ago. She rubbed her belly, frowning slightly at the odd feeling. Tamara had been restless all afternoon and her ceaseless stirring was making her feel ill. She leaned back and closed her eyes, tilting her face up towards the hidden sun. "Oh Michael.. I wish you were here. I wish.." she shook her head with a tired sigh and glanced down at the plot of ground beneath which he lay. She had stopped talking to him before she’d left for the states and had come to merely sit and think. She didn’t know what made her feel this sudden urge to say the familiar old laments. Maybe it was just because she’d been gone so long.

She gasped in surprise as a sudden shock went through her belly. She gripped her belly and tried to figure out what was wrong. The was an odd lurching feeling, as if she was off balance, but it was centered in her belly, not her head. A bolt of fear shot through her and she pushed herself to her feet. "NATHANIEL!! "she screamed and started as quickly as she could back up the path towards the house. "Eire !! DUNCAN!!" Something was very wrong.

She felt another rippling shock go through her and suddenly remembered a conversation with some other expectant women at one of her Lamaze classes back home. "Oh god, no." She muttered, pausing to catch her breath. "It’s too soon!" She screamed for Nate and Duncan again, hurrying as fast as she could. Her daughter was on her way almost two full months early and here she was in the middle of the damned woods alone. "Nathanial, oh god, please. Hurry.." she said, sobbing as another odd ripple passed through her, leaving her shaking.

**

"I don’ understand wha’ happened… th’ baby was healthy, th’ pregnancy was progressing beautifully. There’d been no problems atall aside from a small recurring bout o’ morning sickness. "

Sylvie turned her head slightly, her eyes closed as she listened to the voice droning on. "I laid the spells m’self, Doctor. They were done proper. The last batch were done a bit late since she was away, but everything was fine!" she heard Helena’s voice, noting the strained sound to her voice. "Is wasn’t th’ trip, was it? She seemed fine.. ate a good meal, looked well rested…"

"No no. I checked with her file an’ she’d had a physical th’ day she got on th’ plane an’ was in fine shape. By all accounts th’ flight was uneventful. I’m sorry, Helena. I’m at a complete loss as t’ what happened. I’ll have the babe checked fer magic tamperin’, just in case, but until th’ autopsy, we won’t know anythin’.."

Sylvie felt her throat close up as the tears welled up again. It hadn’t been a dream.. she’d hoped it had just been a dream. Her hand slid down to her belly and she suddenly curled into a ball, hugging herself. Her baby was gone. Her last piece of Michael was gone. She wasn’t even aware of Helena wrapping her arms around her and trying to rock her.

**

Once again Sylvie found herself standing in the weather at the small cemetery, surrounded by MacDonnells. The tiny white coffin was being sealed into the crypt until the ground was soft enough to dig. It was November already, but the cold had hit early and hard and they’d actually broken a shovel in the attempt. Helena had been withdrawn and not herself, Sylvie was sure she blamed herself for Tamara’s death. The doctor’s had said she should’ve survived, even being so premature. It would’ve meant months in an incubator, but she was perfectly formed and whole and healthy. She even had a small patch of reddish blonde hair that the doctor had smiled over, saying he’d never seen a baby born with anything but black or dark brown hair, that blondes and redheads were usual born bald.

She jumped slightly as the sound of the stone cover sliding into placed echoed out from the small stone room. She felt Helena’s arm snake around her shoulders and pull her close as Nate emerged, red-eyed from the crypt, Father Quiggly at his side, and the two men closed the wrought iron gate, and Eire the ever present shadow behind them. Nate came straight to her and pulled her into his arms, burying his face into her shoulder as he sobbed. She imagined how hard it had been for him to seal his only niece inside that stone hole.

No more tears would come, it seemed. She felt hollow and empty and decided that this time she wouldn’t let herself wallow. She’d call that counselor and make an appointment. If she had to go through this again like last time, she didn’t think she’d make it. She pictured herself being sealed up in that cold stone room with her daughter, waiting for spring to come so they could be buried beside Michael…

She let Nate hold her, snaking her arms out to hold him as well. Helena seemed to pull away slightly and Sylvie turned her head to look at her. The older woman looked rather lost. The news from the coroner had been unconclusive. Perfectly healthy, but her heart just stopped beating and their attempts to revive her had all failed.

It was the witches magic inquest that had turned up the reason. Tamara, descended from a long line of strong witches, had been a Hex, a term the magic community used to refer to those people who were born as anti-witches or null witches… basically, magic didn’t work on her, or in her case it had almost acted in reverse. Hexes were very rare, apparently, and there had never been a case of the severe reaction that Tamara had had. Most Hexes simply weren’t effected by magic, a few could cause spells to fail simply by touching an enspelled object or being near the witch as they cast it, but to actually be.. basically allergic to magic…

The irony was heavy. Tamara had been killed by her families attempts to protect her and keep her healthy. Sylvie knew that Helena felt like she’d killed her only grandchild. The inquest had cleared her of all wrong doing and ruled it an accidental death. She couldn’t have known of Tamara’s condition. Even if a spell had existed to check for it, it mostly likely wouldn’t have worked on her anyhow. Helena herself had been the one to phone her family and tell them the news of Tamara’s death. Since Tamara had been born alive, even though she was premature, she’d been given both a birth and death certificate. The time on the two pieces of paperwork was just twenty minutes apart. She’d stopped breathing after only a few minutes, but they’re tried to resuscitate her, so the time of death had been marked when they’d stopped trying.

Sylvie had demanded to hold her daughter, but they had refused. It was Nate who had barged in and yelled until they let her hold Tamara’s body before she was taken away. It was Nate who had demanded both certificates be legalized. It was Nate who had signed the birth certificate in absentee for Michael. He had signed for the autopsy and had claimed the body. He had even taken care of the funeral arrangements. And it had been Nate who had taken the tiny casket from the priest and sealed her in the crypt himself.

And now here he was, in her arms, sobbing his grief for the second time in a year. She wrapped her arms tighter around him and closed her eyes, letting the feel of his sobs shake her, not caring that the snow was falling and that her legs were numb with the cold. He’d never spoken of it, but she knew he felt responsible for Michael’s death, and now, along with his mother, he felt responsible for Tamara’s death as well. She knew it wasn;t true, but she couldn’t seem to find the energy to consol them through her own pain.

Sylvie turned her gaze away from the crypt and let her eyes fall instead on Michaels’ grave. She felt Helena arms wrap around both of them and leaned into the woman. Duncan appeared silently and pried them all apart, herding them back up to the house. Sylvie did her best not to look back, hearing in her heart the echo of a tiny cry.